The Regret(Editing)

Why Did You Do It?

I never would've thought I'd be reunited with Hobi. Seven painful and confusing months drove me to insanity. The pain and suffering I endured trying to forget Hobi made me realize that I was still in love with him. My only regret was being so vulnerable when it came to Taehyung. His kind, gentle demeanor made me feel like myself again, but memories of Hobi and I never stopped playing no matter how hard I tried.

I had no idea of his feelings for me and I'm surprised he hide them so well for all these years. The gifts, the flowers, the stares and gazes were all there but I couldn't see it. Of course I loved him but not in the sense of being with him. I loved him just like how I loved the members, and the staff at Big Hit. I loved him for being who he was. But it was Hobi that made me fall in love with him. It was him who loved me for me. He saw my flaws, my imperfections been there for me when I struggled to fit in, when I cried almost every night because I didn't credit myself for all the hard work promoting BTS. He cherished me and loved me in ways that even the heart can't withstand so much love he had for me.

I didn't want to hurt Taehyung. I did't want to break his fragile heart again. I want him to understand that love is more than just two people who are married or trying to win someone's heart. I wanted him to understand that heartbreak from a person you once loved is only temporary and to forgive the hurt that was caused by that person. It's about loving yourself and learn that missing piece will be put together, with understanding and healing.

As Hobi and I held  hands, once again, we head down the hall to meet everyone at one of the studio rooms. As we got closer I can hear faints sounds of people arguing, making me feel uneasy and nervous. I can hear Taehyung's voice overtaking the the argument that he was having with everyone, which I had hoped would not end in him hurting himself and others. I can feel my palms sweat from so much anxiety that all it took was for Hobi to stop me in my tracks, turn me around until I was eye level with him. 

He sighs deeply, tightening his grip slightly, as he look me deeply in the eyes "Jagi. I know that walking into that room is going to be scary and nerve wrecking for you...and me. Taehyung is angry, scared and probably confused about everything. He'not a bad person. He's been through so much hurt from that heart ache from years ago and he still yearns for it." He takes my hand and places it on his lips. "Here's something I want you to promise me, Jagi"

"Of course, Hobi." I say with a slight smile

"Please...don't ever leave me again...I promise I'll never ignore or neglect you. I will attend to your needs no matter how stressed and angry I am. I broke that promise by neglecting you and ignoring you when you needed me most. I realize that I needed you more than you did. You're my wife and shouldn't have let Alex get in the way with what we had even though we had no feelings for each other. I should've told her sooner about how you felt but I was too worried that you'll get upset if I decided to let her go."

"Hobi...I promise I won't ever leave you. I will continue to support you in every step of the way just like I've always had in the very beginning. I broke promises too and I regret it very much and I'm sorry."

He pulls me into and embrace, my face buried in his chest and his chin rested on my shoulder, as we both started crying "Jagi, please you don't need to apologize anymore. I'm the one that should be. I'm the one who hurt you. It was my fault and I"m willing to put my all into making it up to you!"

"No. I do! I'm just as equally at fault. I should've just confronted Alex right on the spot and maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. But I'm here now!"

"I realize that I shouldn't have left you out of the things that were important to me. I prevented you from doing your job just so I can tell you and the whole world how much I loved you! That I couldn't have done it without you and the company. But I know deep down in your heart you're still upset with me and it's going to take some time for things to go back to normal."