The Captain's Girl (Captain America Fanfiction) (4th Book)

Chapter Forty: Secret

The plane ride to  Wakanda was filled with an awkward silence as the jet hummed along. It was as if no one was sure what to say. We were in uncharted territory, on the run. Something I knew Steve wasn't used to. 

As the silence filled the space I couldn't help but stare at the empty spot to my right. The weight of what has happened hitting me more than ever. I could feel the panic coming all at once, I started breathing in and out quickly. I tried to calm myself, to think happy thoughts. 

Bucky came and sat beside me, bringing me out of my thoughts. Which forced  me to calm down, to think a little  more rationally. I convinced myself to pull it together, at least until I was alone. 

I watched his face, I could tell he was searching for just the right thing to say.

"Do you ever get used to it?" I asked him, finally breaking the silence in the jet. I looked towards Steve, who I knew was listening. I knew he wanted to comfort me ,to make me know it was okay. But, he had to fly the jet right now and Bucky knew what I was going through. 

I searched his face for an answer, to make sure he wasn't going to sugar coat anything. I was beyond being lied to, even it was in my best interest.

Bucky then let out a chuckle in response. This completely threw me off. I wasn't sure what his response was going to be, but I definitely didn't expect any laughter.

"What's so funny?" I asked him, eyebrow raised. I was both amused and skeptical of what was going on. 

"It's just," he started, chuckling again. "You've asked something similar before."

"I did?" I asked, surprise clearly in my voice. I didn't know how much he had remembered about our time before. I know I didn't remember all that much, certain memories coming and going. "You remember?" 

"I do," Bucky replied simply, motioning to my hand. 

"Are you sure?" I asked not quite sure this was the right thing to do. It was no small gesture to allow me into his mind. "You know you don't have to show me." 

"I think it'll be good for you to see an old memory," Buck said, now reaching for my hand. He pulled it to his forehead. 

I hesitated for a moment, yanking my hand back a little before it could make contact. 

"I-I'm not sure," I said, my voice sounding like a scared little girl. I looked out of the corner of my eye, I saw Steve who looked apprehensive. I was scared to see a memory with Bucky, our past wasn't like walking through a field of daisies. I was frightened to go back into that mind set. I didn't need to go into an even darker place. 

"Don't worry, it's a good one," Bucky assured me, placing my hand on his forehead. 

I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply as I immersed myself into his mind, delving into his memories. 

I watched as the memory played itself for me. It was like watching a movie play out in front me. The memories flooding me as Bucky focused on what he wanted to show me.

Buck and I were sitting in an old dusty cell. I was watching myself through Bucky's eyes, and I looked liked  a mess. My hair was long and dry, each strand messier than the last. I watched as I picked up a pebble and threw it across the room. My former self scratched at the power destabilizer around my neck. 

"Do you think we'll ever get out of here?" I asked Bucky. I sounded so sad and desperate. My blue eyes looked at him expectedly, wanting to hear the optimistic answer, even though I knew it was the wrong one. 

"If anyone has a chance, it's you," Bucky answered, and I could tell he wouldn't meet me with his eyes. I could feel through the memory even now that he was somewhere else. His mind wandering to a different place. 

"You will too," my former self assured him, a small sad smile appeared on my face. I could tell I was trying hard, to be reassuring rather than the skeptic I usually was. 

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him now. I could tell I was  becoming impatient with the silence, trying to fill the void it left. 

"An old friend," Bucky offered, I could feel his mind escape once more. It went to a much happier place, one where he was able to be what he wanted. I could feel his sadness again, it started to overpower me. 

I was about to pull my hand away, the emotions becoming too much for me. I didn't want to feel this, to dwell on something we could never change. But, before I was able to pull my hand off, I felt Bucky press his hand  back on mine, keeping me in the memory. 

"Hmm, a friend?" I asked him, I watched as a tug of a smile appeared on my face. "I don't know if I'm familiar with the concept." 

"He was a good friend, the best actually. I grew up with him, he would have done anything for anyone. Especially those who needed help. He was a fighter," Bucky told me. "He always knew right from wrong. You would have liked him."

I watched my old self lean against the concrete wall, looking unsure now. 

"Someone who knows right from wrong would not know what to do with someone like me," I answered after a moment. "Not so sure he would have liked me back." 

"He would have, I just know it. He would like your fire. He was the kind of guy who saw the best in everyone," Bucky assured me. "Even big ole scary you, Morgan."

At that I let out a little laugh. But, I crossed my arms and I could see I had softened a little. I could see a hopeful glint appear in my blue eyes. 

"Well he would have a hard time trying to find it in me, I can assure you that," I had started, but I could tell I tried to stop myself. "Well did Mr. Goody have a name?"

"Steve, Steve Rogers," Bucky told me. 

"Sounds about right. Where do you think he now?" I asked him. 

"Who knows," Bucky said replied, voice distant once more. "Maybe he got married, had a couple of kids."

"All the good ones get snatched up," I joked."Even if I got out of this hell hole, there would be no snatching." 

I watched sadly as my eyes went distant now. I could tell I was somewhere else this time. 

"You're too hard on yourself," Bucky said, cutting me off and bringing my back. "We didn't ask to be here, remember that."

I could see my eyes drift to his arm as he looked down at it himself. 

"Do you ever get used to it?" I asked him, trying to get his attention. 

"It gets easier, how about you? Ever get used to your powers?" 

"It's weird, I know how to use them and they feel so much of a part of me, yet so foreign."

But then we were cut off as one of the doctors entered the room. His face was full of rage. I kew what was about to happen, he was about to put our minds through a blender. We were having too many memories, too much conversation was going on. 

We weren't zombie enough for them. 

That's when I let myself wander out of his mind, but not before I stumbled upon something else. On something new. Something he was planning.

Bucky wasn't going to be leaving Wakanda.

~A/N Thank you all so much for reading this far! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was something a little different. 

QOTC: What do you think of Morgan and Buck's past together?

As always please leave a vote or comment if you enjoyed this chapter!~