Obsessed (A. Irwin Smut FF)

Chapter 18

I am sitting in front of Ashton's apartment for half an hour now and he didn't show up. He is never late. I decide not to call him. I will wait in my car for one more half an hour and after that I will leave. 

Hello my lovely readers. I've realized I haven't posted in a while now and to be honest it was due to all the things that had happened lately in my life. I have started seeing Dr. Hot again as you know and I am not sure if was the best decision. Even though we have clear rules now, it feels like we're trapped in a vicious circle where I have no power whatsoever. My schedule has to accommodate to his and I am not sure if I want to be the kind of girl who misses on her life only for sex... very good sex, but still. I am here, waiting for him to get to his apartment and he is late. He is not the type of person who would be late, so this leaves me wondering what happened to him. I cannot text him or call him without sounding like a desperate woman. I can't wait here all night. I should probably go home, but I can't even do that. I know I want this more than he does. I feel sad because of that. Maybe this was truly a mistake. 

I post it and wait to see if anyone read it yet, but I can see no reply. I hate my life right now, for simply not knowing if what I do with Ashton is right or bad. Especially when right now I feel like his little sex doll. I choose to go home because I see no point in waiting here. 

*Sorry, I won't be able to make it.* I send him this text so I won't seem like a desperate girl being there on time when he stood me up. I start the engine and drive home. I feel my phone buzzing and I look at his text. 

*Ok* 

Ok? really ? just ok? I roll my eyes parking the car in the garage and going to my room. He really just texted me that? Maybe I overreact but why is this happening. 

I feel my phone buzzing. It's Hayden. I frown looking at the screen in hopes of seeing his name actually. "Hey, you ok?" She asks and I shake my head. "Not really." I sigh and she tells me she is on the way to my place.

"Ok missy. Stop feeling like he stood you up. I read your blog." She says as she enters my room. "Well it's so fucking weird, you know? Everything feels weird." I tell her and she gets closer to hug me. "You know, I think it's not healthy anymore." Hayden speaks and I furrow my brows. "What?" I ask confused. "This. Your relationship with you know who. I mean, it would have been okay but I think you caught feelings and it's not healthy for you to go out like this with a married man, especially when it's not pure sex anymore."  Hayden says and I sigh. "I know I don't love him. I don't need to take cute walks holding hands on the streets with him. I don't feel the need for us to kiss in public. I just wish this-whatever it is- would be equally right for the both of us, I mean, yes, I am free when it comes to other things, but when it comes to him I feel like I m chained to his desires, his wishes, his choices."  I whisper knowing my parents are home. Hayden nods looking at me. "That's the definition of a destructive relationship. Plus, you gotta think about your parents, what are they going to think if they find out? Ashton is your dad's best friends and trust me, I would hate you forever if you fucked my son, so ... I am not saying to end things, if it makes you happy, then I am happy for you and I will fully support you, but you gotta think about it. Because if you're not happy, all this will only bring you pain. And I will not just sit around and shut my mind about it. I don't want to see you get hurt." She tells me and I smile. 

"Thanks. I just have no idea what this whole thing is." I say and she hugs me. "Men are such a tiring thing for me right now. Oh, by the way. Michael found your blog. You should probably talk to him about it, because he has some guesses of whose it is. So..." She lets me know and that is just another problem I have to deal with later. 

****

I never had my question answered to. I did not want to ask him about why he didn't show up. He didn't text me anything apart from when he said 'Ok' to me lying I couldn't get there. We did not even meet since then, nor did we ever speak about it. I decided to go with my parents on their trip because maybe I will get my answer there. After a long flight I arrived in Greece and the universe seemed to laugh at me because he is not here. Maybe this is for the best. Maybe I do need a break from my life and I should just enjoy this vacation.