Obsessed (A. Irwin Smut FF)

Chapter 28

Ashton's POV

She's doing great. Calum was right, she is young, she got it good. I smile looking at her grades. She passed all of her exams with scores close to 100. She is fine. She has it all together.

I feel my chest so heavy as I think about her. I am happy she is doing great, but I am not fine at all. I miss her. I look at the Jack Daniels starring back at me and I sigh knowing I have to go to the hospital. At least I can have something else on my mind.

I take the keys to my car and drive to the hospital. I feel my phone buzzing as I get there and for the passed week every time my phone buzzes I am hoping it is her, for some stupid reason. I want to know if she even thinks about me. I see it's just a stupid mail and I shove my phone in my pocket. I lift my face and I feel my brain stop working. She is standing in front of me, her eyes locked on mine. Fuck. You look so lovely. God I miss you so damn much. There are so many things I want to tell you. She takes a step forward and I feel my legs doing the same. She still looks at me. I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you in any way. She opens the door and leaves, again. I feel my legs wanting to run after her. I need to tell her the truth. I love her so much. No, you cannot do that, you almost wrecked her life, if it wasn't for that accident she would be pregnant with your child. You almost fucked her life. You cannot run towards that again.

I feel my legs going to Calum's office and I see him on the hallway.

"Hey, everything okay? I saw Y/n here." I say and he nods.

"Oh yeah she came to bring me a file. You okay?" he asks me and I sigh.

"As okay as I can be right now." I give him a weak smile and he nods. "How is she?" I ask and he smiles and I know she is fine.

"You don't have to worry about her. She is really good." He tells me and I feel a lump in my throat. Maybe he was right. She is young, maybe it was just a phase for her.

"Good." I say, but my selfish side is sad, I wish what we had meant to her as much as it meant to me. I go in my office but I cannot concentrate on anything.

"Dr Irwin, are you ready?" I see a nurse entering and I look confused at her. "You have to prep for surgery." She smiles to me and I shake my head trying to wrap my head around it.

"yes, let's go." I say and I find myself in the OR. Last time I've been here the patient on the table was Y/n. Crap. I feel my head all over the place. I do everything in my power to do everything right, but the patient's heart is not strong enough and he dies on the table. Crap. Fuck.

I wash my hands and I feel anger building up. I get to my office and I feel so tensed.I throw my chair on the other side.

"Fuck." I scream as I hear a knock on my door.

"You okay?" I hear Calum and I am getting tired of this question.

"I just lost my first patient in three years on the table." I tell him but I know this is not the whole reason I am mad.

"Hey Ash, how about you take some time off for yourself. You are way to affected. This is not gonna work out." Calum suggests and I roll my eyes because I cannot even tell him how awful I am having it today.

"Fine." I say taking my key cars. I am hurt and I am mad and I cannot talk to anyone. I just want to call her and tell her how much I miss her, but that would just fuck her up. Calum said she is okay. 

Y/n's  pov

a few weeks later

I cannot pretend I am fine anymore. I miss him more everyday. He is the person I want to talk whenever something happens. I have tried everything. I have tried clubbing, getting high on every substance I could find. I have tried replacing him, but that did not work out at all. I tried meeting people on Tinder, but that was such a waste of time. I cannot fill this void with anything. I have tried to fill it with music, with friends, with school, with parties, with drugs, but nothing is helping me. I haven't eaten anything in five days, I've lost so much weight in these weeks, I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. I have started smoking so much and all I have done in the last days was drink coffee and smoke cigarettes. I barely sleep, he is on my mind constantly. My friends are so mad at me right now. The only time I leave the house is to go to the market next to my house and buy cigarettes. I am locked in my room for three days now. My parents have started to get worried now. I hear mom talk to me behind the door, but I cannot tell them anything. I cannot talk to anyone. I just want to call him and yell at him. I am so mad he had given up on us with no explanation. I am so mad and hurt I can't do anything, but lay in my bed and fill my lungs with a blue-grey smoke.