Beyond the Reasons || JUSTIN FOLEY

Twenty-Eight

PRESENT TIME
JUNIOR YEAR
TAPE 5, SIDE A
LIBERTY HIGH SCHOOL
IMOGEN'S POV

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"But she didn't. . did she, Justin? She didn't know. And people don't really change. Welcome to your second tape, Justin Foley. That night, for the first time in a long time. . I didn't feel invisible. I was nervous, because I felt so good and I didn't want to screw it up. I was trying to act normal. But I didn't really know how anymore. There are three stories to tell about that night. I'll tell this one first."

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So basically, what Hannah was saying, is that this tape and the next two after this one, all have to do with the party Jessica and I threw over the summer. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, because the most vivid thing I remember, was waking up in the middle of the night, in the guest room, with dozens of missed calls from Clay, telling me to get to the hospital.

Because Jeff had died in an accident.

I remember, whatever hangover I was feeling, was replaced by agony, anguish, despair, misery. Jeff's death is the reason I got diagnosed with clinical depression. Like earlier this week, now you're probably wondering why I turned down the antidepressants my mom offered.

Because I meant it when I said I didn't need them.

I wasn't lying when I said I took them a year ago, I did. To cope with what Bryce almost did to me, then I got to a good place and I didn't need them anymore. Now, with Jeff being gone. . I don't know, some days I feel fine, and others I don't. Some days, I'll be crying to myself, and other days, I just won't be interested in anything anymore. Like cheerleading, I honestly want to quit. Maybe that's why I'm drinking all the time. I don't know. That's why I went back to my therapist, who sent me to a doctor who officially diagnosed me.

Clinical depression.

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"How did I end up in that bedroom? That's another story. But for now, Justin. You'd been with the same girl all night, except for the occasional time where she wanted to hang out with some other people, and I'm not going to call her out by name. Even though, if you were at that party, you already know. I realized two things in that moment. Number one, I was drunk. And number two, so was this girl. But I figured you'd just give up and leave her alone. At least, I hoped you would. I know what you're thinking. Maybe if this girl hadn't had so much to drink, what happened next never would've happened. But it was a party. Everyone had too much to drink. And besides, how can you blame someone for something that happens while they're unconscious?"

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Obviously, the girl was me. The main people I hung out with that night, was Justin, Jeff and sometimes Sheri. Like Sheri and I did a dance together. Jessica's party was the first time that I had heard the song FRIENDS. And Sheri and I made up a dance on the spot, right there in the house. Backflips on beat and everything, and that's when we decided to spice it up and turn it into a dance for the next pep rally.

But my question was, what the hell is about to happen next?

"Wait. . Mom, what are you doing here?" I asked. I saw my mom walking through the hallway while I stepped out of class to go to the bathroom and listen to the tape some more, and she stopped when she saw me.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" She asked.

"Bathroom break." I said, and she nodded her head.

"Clay got caught with drugs. . do you have any?" She asked, and my eyes widened.