Beyond the Reasons || JUSTIN FOLEY

Twenty-Six

FLASHBACK
DOWN BY THE DOCKS
IMOGEN'S POV

"I like both of your looks. They're new." Mrs. Baker said to me and Jessica.

Jessica started to wear her hair in different parts, and also keeping a braid in one side of her hair. Whereas I added some color into my hair. I dyed my hair light brown and then added blonde highlights throughout it. I was tired of the dark color, I needed something new. Especially since senior year was approaching. I wanted something new.

"Oh, it is?" Jessica joked, as the three of us started laughing.

"It's very tough. Bad-ass. You both look like warriors." She said to us. Mrs. Baker was walking in the middle of us and we were walking down by the water, near the docks and the pier. "Do you guys remember when Hannah used to wear that green army jacket everywhere?" She asked, which made Jessica and I start laughing, because we do. Hannah wore that jacket all the time.

"Yes, all the time." I said, while laughing.

"I used to tease her. I'd ask her, 'What war are you fighting?' Then I found out." Mrs. Baker said, crossing her arms over her chest, which made me a little sad. We all let Hannah down, every single one of us. If even one of us would've just swallowed our enormous lumps of pride and reached out to her.

She'd probably still be alive.

"Yeah, well. . if it helps. Jess and I are still fighting." I said. Mrs. Baker looked at us and nodded her head, with the glint of appreciation in her eyes.

"It really does." She said.

"Yeah, well, it turns out this whole 'toppling the patriarchy' thing is, um. . totally hard." Jessica said, nodding her head and I let out a small scoff.

"You never realize how male-dominated things are until you're trying to take down the males." I said.

"Yeah, well. . as you just said, you only have all of history ever working against you." She said, and Jessica and I both nodded our heads.

"True." We said at the same time.

"Sometimes. . I feel like we're. . or even specifically that I'm making a real difference, you know? And then other times I just feel like. . nothing has changed at all." I said, shaking my head.

"Yeah, but you two have changed. And you both did it all right here." Mrs. Baker said, laying one of her hands down on each of our arms as we stopped walking. "More than I can say for myself. I had to get the hell out of here." She said, as she leaned against the metal railing, so Jessica and I did the same.

"No one blames you for leaving, Mrs. Baker. If I were in your position, I probably would've left too." I said, and Mrs. Baker nodded her head.

"Well. . that led me to my next point. I wouldn't blame either of you if you guys got out of here too." She said to us, and Jessica and I looked at each other with a real look of consideration. Of course with senior year comes thinking about college, and honestly, maybe Hannah had the right idea with not wanting to stay at home for college.

"Is it better? In New York?" Jessica asked.

"It's different. I mean, sometimes I'll find myself swept up entirely in this sea of people, this. . this thing that's bigger than me. In those moments, I find that I have completely forgotten who I am and what happened. Other times, no matter how many thousands of miles away I am, I'm still here. Right back here." Mrs. Baker said. Honestly, I can understand that. Of course she can heal and move on from what happened, but no matter what, she's never going to forget the fact that her daughter killed herself, and all of us are to blame.