Beyond the Reasons || JUSTIN FOLEY

Thirty

PRESENT TIME
JUNIOR YEAR
IMOGEN'S BEDROOM
TAPE 5, SIDE B
IMOGEN'S POV

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"Sometimes. . things just happen to you. They just happen. You can't help it. But it's what you do next that counts. Not what happens. . but what you decide to do about it. And I've made some very bad decisions in my life. As you know."

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"What is it?"

Justin and I were laying together in my bed, after we just had sex. Yes, after my complete meltdown, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, so we did. He was lying on his back, looking up at my ceiling, and I was lying on my side, and facing him. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

He turned to look at me, and then he looked back at the ceiling. "Just uh. . it's been a long time since we hung out at your place." He said, and I nodded my head.

"Yeah. . since Jess' party right? Or before, because I stayed with her that summer." I said.

"Really? I guess I don't even remember." He said, and I was confused. He doesn't remember that I stayed with Jessica over the summer, or he doesn't remember if it was before or after the summer that was the last time we actually hung out here at my house?

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure, it was before the party, since Clay and my parents were gone all summer." I said, and he still laid facing the ceiling, and I still had my eyes on the side of his face.

"That's a long time." He said.

"You could've come over at any time. Like when my mom asked if you wanted to stay for dinner and you gave that bullshit excuse of not wanting to interrupt family time." I said, rolling my eyes. But now, I'm wondering if that was a connection to whatever reason he won't come to my house.

"Your dad hates me." Justin said, looking at me, and I sighed.

"He does not." I said.

"He does. Last summer, before your parents and Clay left, he told me I was trouble, and that I'd better toe the line. For as long as I've known you Imogen, your dad hasn't liked me." He said, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"That's just a thing he says to guys. Trust me, you got it way easier than Jeff did when my dad thought we were dating." I said, laughing. Everyone used to think Jeff and I were dating, and I mean, I don't blame them, Jeff and I did act like a couple, talked like a couple, all the time, but we knew we were only messing around with each other, although I won't lie.

I have kissed him before. We may or may not have been high. Okay well I've kissed him twice. The second time we were a little drunk.

But I thought it was weird, the day after the fact, once I was sober, because Jeff has always been my best friend and has always been like a brother to me, and crossing that line felt like it was equal to crossing it with Clay. But the difference was, I could act the part of a couple with Jeff, flirt with him, cuddle with him, all that. But actually crossing the line into sexual and romantic things.

I couldn't.

And it's only been a few weeks since Jeff died in that car accident. I miss him so much, everyday. I try to say I'm fine, but honestly. . I think I might need to take those antidepressants that my mom renewed for me and Clay. I haven't taken them since I was in rehab for what Bryce almost did, but living without Jeff has been so unbearable lately and on top of all this tape stuff.