Brian Quinn One Shots

You Promised

Trigger warning: self-harm

The drops of blood run down your forearm and you twist your wrist so it begins to drip steadily into the sink. You don't cut deep enough to the vein, but enough to bleed. Enough so the pain gets redirected and you can feel some of it release out of you. You're too focused on the dripping to notice the door to your apartment open, or to hear the sound of your friend calling your name. It's not until the door handle to the bathroom moves that you come back to reality and remember where you are, and what you just did. "y/n, no." Brian rushes into the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the rack and throwing it over your wrist "you promised you would call me."

"I couldn't stop, I'm sorry" you reply, letting him cover your self inflicted wound.

You and Q were already friends for a few months when he found out about your cutting. He made you promise to never do it again and to call him when you felt the desire to cut. For awhile, you did. But the pouring out of your emotions brought the two of you closer as he shared his own struggle with depression with you those long nights he would come over and talked you through it. You never confessed to him how you felt. He was out dating girls left and right and enjoyed being single. You weren't going to tell him, you knew he didn't feel the same way and that would hurt enough to hurt yourself. "Why didn't you call me?" Brian asks. The two of you now in your living room and seated on your couch. He sits close to you, keeping a tight grip on the towel. It probably stopped bleeding by now, it wasn't very deep but you enjoyed feeling his body so close to yours.

You tried so hard the past few weeks to get through things but it was just too much tonight. Brian was off filming his show and Murray posted a live Instagram video. You saw Brian in the background flirting with a girl, getting her number. You heard Joe even make a joke about it on the video. You scrolled through Brian's Instagram and looked at all the gorgeous girls who were adoring him. He could have any one of them and it just killed you to know you'd never be his. "I just.." You trail off, trying to come up with a lie.

"Y/N. What's going on?" He asks, his eyes searching yours for truth and answers.

You sigh and reply "I just feel so alone, like, all the time."

"You're not alone, you have me." He says. You give him a look and he looks down for a moment then meets your eyes again as he says "I'm sorry, I know I was gone for awhile filming the movie but I've been back a couple of weeks, I'm here right now."

"I know, I know. I just.. I can't tell you." You bite your lower lip. You pull your arm away from him and move the towel to look at the cut "it's just easier this way."

"No it's not. It's pushes everything down and it'll just fester there. You need to let it out. What's going on?" He asks again, truly wanting to help you.

You try the lie "I'm just really losing control at work, I feel like I'm failing."

But Brian knows you better then that and calls you out "no, that's not it. Y/N, you know you can tell me anything."

His hand reaches your knee this time and you sigh as you look down at his hand. You lowly and slowly say back "I'm falling in love with my best friend and I can't stop it."

"Okay, why would you want to stop it? Who is it?" He asks "Louis, Philip?" You meet his eyes as he says the names of two of your other friends "I'm pretty sure either.." but he stops when he sees your eyes glistening "oh!" He sits up, moving his hand away "you mean me?"

You nod, a tear escaping "I'm sorry, I just can't talk to you anymore like this. Every time I see you I feel my world come together, I feel everything fit. But then I see you out with other girls or flirting and everything shatters and I don't even know why you're even friends with me. I've tried so hard while you were away to fight all this, to stay strong but I just couldn't anymore. I need to not feel pain, I needed to feel some kind of worth."

"You did this because of me?" He asks throwing his hand up and pointing to himself.

You quickly shake your head, not wanting to put the blame on him. "No, no, no! This is all me. It's my brain and my feelings that makes me do this. This isn't because of you it's just kind of about you." He exhales, and you know he's trying to find the words to let you down easy. You decide to do it for him "hey, I know we are just friends and I'm okay with that. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose that over something like this. I'm sorry I told you, let's just forget about it, yah?"

He takes in what I said then says "but I don't want to forget about it Y/N." You go to open your mouth but he quickly starts talking again "I never thought you'd like me like that. Y/N, why do you think I made you promise to never cut again? Why I'm always around? I care about you and hate to think of you in any kind of pain."

"But you're always off hooking up and say how awesome it is to be single right now." You shrug.

He half smirks but says "I'm not happy being single, I just know I wouldn't be happy in a relationship unless it was with the right girl." You nod, telling him you hear him. He adds on "and that was always you."

"What?" You ask, not expecting him to say that "but you—"

He doesn't let you go on when he says "I've liked you since we met, Y/N. But I know a thing or two about being depressed and I know you should be happy with yourself before getting in a relationship. I never wanted to start something that could be so good when you were in a bad way."

"But its been months since I last cut. Things were good, until lately." You shyly say now, feeling embarrassed.

He replies "but I had to go off and film the movie and it just seemed you were okay with us as friends. I didn't want to say something and make it awkward. I always want you to trust me." He grabs a hold of your hands and holds them together.

"So what are you saying?" You ask him.

He nods and looks down as he thinks. When he starts to explain, he lifts his head back up slowly "I'm saying I'd love nothing more then take you to dinner. As in a date. But you have to promise me, to never ever do this again. And I mean ever." His eyes then get more serious as he goes on "if things stay good with us or if they start to go bad. You can't ever cut again. I mean that, not just for you but for me. I can't see you like that, like this." He moves a finger down next to the fresh marks "can you do that? Promise me?"

You swallow hard. It's easy to promise that now, hearing he likes you back. But you know how hard it would be if things didn't go well. You start to think of all the laughs you had together. All the deep conversations of your pasts and the dreams of the future you've shared to one another. You know things with him would never go bad, so you nod once and say firmly "I promise." His lips form into a small smile and he leans in, kissing you ever so softly.