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Chapter 11

Seriously, Luke?

"I'm sorry."

You're so stupid, Luke.

"I'm trying my best."

You're such a disappointment, Luke.

"I'm doing what I can."

I didn't expect any more from you, Luke.

"I'M SORRY!" I wailed.

You have no right to be sorry, Luke! You're a failure.

"I'm doing my best."

Your best isn't enough, Luke!

"I'm doing my hardest."

YOU'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH, LUKE!

I let out a scream. I was more than happy my parents were gone for the weekend—wouldn't want them to hear my screams. I screamed and I cried, reprimanding myself for being this way. I threw my chair to the ground, not caring the slightest if it broke. I looked at the mirror hanging on my wall, disgusted with the sight of myself. Before I knew it, the mirror was on the floor, the glass shattered to pieces.

You had one job, Luke.

"You don't understand!"

Oh, I do understand, Luke. I understand that you're a failure.

"Failure's a bit of a strong word, isn't it?" I whimpered.

Failure's not strong enough to describe you, Luke.

"Stop it!" I screamed. "I said I was sorry!"

Just admit it, Luke.

"NO!" I cried out.

It's about time, anyway.

"Don't say it!" I choked out.

Lucas Robert Hemmings, you're so much better off dead.

I started to bawl. I collapsed on the floor and I brought my knees to my chest. I rocked myself back and forth as I argued with myself in my head. There were times when I really did wish I was dead. This was most definitely one of those times. I fought with myself, utterly trying to convince myself that I was worth living, but I ended up convincing myself otherwise. I hugged my knees and I cried, praying to nothing in particular that I would die this very moment.

It was four in the morning when I fell asleep surrounded by broken glass and salty tears.

✘✘✘

"Good morning, class!" Miss Malone said happily. "And a happy Friday to you, as well. Now, before we start out lesson for today, I expect all of your book reports on Tooth and Nail."

As if there wasn't a lump in my throat before—and there most certainly was—, there was a ball clogging my throat. I already felt the lack of air. I felt the tears burning in my eyes. Trying my best to keep a straight face, I pulled my book report out of my folder and handed it to the person in front of me.

Last night was still in my head. I was hoping that Malone wouldn't notice I did that book report the night before. I always tended to do that, work on projects last minute. It was three in the morning when I wrote the book report, right after my fit that consisted of me reprimanding myself for not doing that book report earlier. I couldn't help myself. Tooth and Nail was so utterly boring. It physically hurt to read it, and that's coming from a person who has a book in their hands almost as much as they have headphones in their ears. I ended up looking at Wikipedia for the plot of the book. I tried my best not to plagiarize and spent a while writing everything in my own words. I was hoping that Miss Malone wouldn't notice I had cheated. I couldn't afford a fail on this assignment, not in my best class, and especially not when we're so close to the end of the semester. It was the last week of November, for crying out loud! There were two weeks left until the semester ended. That meant two weeks until we got our report cards. That meant two weeks until our reports cards go on our records. That meant two weeks until university officials look at our records and see everything we've ever done in high school, and I cannot have a fail for plagiarizing.