Social Media «ᴄᴀᴋᴇ»

Chapter 14

You should have done it.

You wouldn't have to face this.

You should have done it.

You wouldn't have this problem.

You should have done it.

YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT!

My back was starting to hurt, which was really bad. About the only time I sat up straight was when I played piano, but I haven't played in a while. I wanted to arch my back and slouch a little, but I needed to keep my composure. Soon enough, every part of my body felt numb, and that was because of my anger.

"You were looking through my iPod?" I asked my parents. For once, my voice was steady. I was able to talk to my parents in complete sentences and not a stutter in my words. For once in my life, I felt like Liz or my dad couldn't bring me down.

"Lucas," Liz said with a shake of her head, "that's not the point—"

"If I remember correctly, you always scolded me for even touching your iPhones. You said, and I quote, 'Our phones are our privacy. You don't look through mine, and I don't look through yours.' Does this not apply to me anymore?"

"You shouldn't be angr—"

"You invaded my privacy. I have every right to be angry."

"Don't interrupt me while I speak, Lucas," Liz spat. I didn't react at all—Liz's words went through my like they were just a small breeze.

"Have you ever thought about committing suicide, Lucas?" she asked again, her caring façade coming over her. I didn't like this about Liz. She was angry at me one second, and she pretended like nothing happened the next.

I took a deep breath. "Yes," I replied firmly. Not only had I thought about it, but I've attempted. Not only have I attempted, but I've attempted twice.

"Why?" she asked me.

"I saw no point in living."

"But, Lucas, you have every reason to live!" Liz cried. "You have a family­—" I do not. The only person I would come close to considering family is Calum. "—you go to a really good school—" Did I ever mention that I was failing my math class? "—you have friends at school—" Just because I hang out with only two kids doesn't mean they're my friends. "—you have a really good life—" I'm very well aware that my life is more fortunate than those of others. I'm ungrateful, which is yet another reason why I should be removed from this earth. "—and, Lucas, you have us. Your parents. You know we're here for you every step of the way, right?"

If I'm completely honest, Liz, I don't feel like you are.

Liz let out an exasperated sigh, and I gathered up the courage to look at her face. She was crying.

"Well?" she asked desperately, tears streaming down her face. "Say something, Lucas."

My composure remained as I breathed in her every word. "I have nothing to say."

Liz sighed. She ran her hands through her long blonde hair, and I noticed my dad put my iPod down. Well, it took him long enough.

"Another thing, Lucas," Liz said. I restrained myself from rolling my eyes, because honestly, I wanted to go back to my room. Liz also hated when I rolled my eyes at something she said, or anyone else said for that matter—she saw it as a sign of disrespect.

"Who's the kid you're talking to? I've never heard you mention him from school."

Shit. Calum.

"I mean," Liz continued, "you talk about Michael from time to time. You're also friends with that boyfriend of his, right? How come I've never heard of this one kid? He sent you a message..." She turned to my dad. "Hun, give me the iPod, please?" She turned back to me. "Yeah, I have his message right here. 'goodnight, babycakes xx'. 'Babycakes'? Lucas, is this kid your boyfriend? Are you gay? I mean, it's completely fine if you're gay, but I'd think you'd talk to me or your father before you get a boyfriend, Lucas."