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Chapter 12

Don't do this.

"I have to."

It's the easy way out.

"I know."

You're always running, aren't you, Luke?

"I only run because I'm scared."

You're always trying to take the easy way out.

"There's no other way."

It's about time you figured that out, Luke.

"No one wants me."

That's true.

"I'm worthless."

See? You're getting it.

"No one needs me."

You're finally getting it, Luke!

"Everything would be so much better if I were dead."

What have I been telling you this entire time?

I could run away from everything. I could get away from school. I could get away from my "family." I could get away from all my problems.

I just gotta get out of the mess that is my life.

✘✘✘

@merrickmania: Hi, guys. I know what you're thinking. "Whoa, what the fuck? Luke is using correct grammar?" Well, yeah. I am. What I'm going to tell you, I think, is kind of important. Okay, it's not important, but I'm going to tell you anyways.

Let's be honest. None of you wouldn't care if I died. I could ultimately disappear from this planet THIS VERY SECOND, and none of you would even notice. No one cares about me. I'm utterly useless. I'm worthless. Things would be so much better if I were dead, so I'm going to do you the favor.

Goodbye.

And Calum?

I know you'll be able to take care of yourself. You're strong. You're stronger than I will ever be, Cal. I admire you so much. I know you'll be strong enough to bring yourself up. Let's face it, Cal, you're an amazing person. You've stuck with me ever since we met. I can't ever repay you for that. I'm really sorry for bringing you down. I'm sorry that you have to meet me.

The one thing that I can ask of you is that you don't want your time on me. I'll be the voice inside your head. I'll be the rhythm of your heartbeat. I'll always be with you.

I love you, Calum. You were and always will be my very best friend.

Goodbye.

This will be the very last goodbye I'll ever say to you.

✘✘✘

Pills? Check.

Rag for suffocation? Check.

Really sharp scissors? Check.

Rope? Check. (Never in my life did I think having to learn to learn to tie a noose for an English project would come in handy. Well, what do you know?)

It was two in the morning. I sat down on my bed, everything that I could possibly need right next to me. Everything that I could ever possibly need at this moment. Everything that I would need for the rest of my life—and I would need it for the rest of my life, because my life was going to end shortly.