Double Down (a double standards series) Dark Romance (Part 7)

My Own Fuckery

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"I'm sorry Sir"

Those word's vibrated to the very core of me as soon as they left her precious lips. I, the one who wanted nothing more than to protect her had made her draw up into herself and relapse into that life of hell she barely escaped. The last thing I wanted was for her to compare me to that bastard that terrorized her so.

Seeing her hurt and fear shamed me to the bone. Not knowing what else to do I tore myself away from her in an attempt to cool down and gather my thoughts. Placing my hand over my face I reprimanded myself. I knew from the beginning taking her to a club wasn't a good idea. I should've been more attentive to Alice and showed her a good time. I should've wrote my old lovers off and introduced them to my angel so they'd get the message. I shouldn't have drank so much to where I couldn't contain my temper.

After a few moment's I had calmed down and knew I needed to go and apologize. Shrugging Heirs hand from my shoulder I went back to the spot I had left her but no one was there. I thought that may be Mizery had taken her off until she walked up holding a bottle of water. "Where's Alice?" I asked.

Mizery shrugged. "I left her here to get her some water".

"Fuck Mizery, why would you leave her alone?" I roared.

" I'm not her fucking keeper CJ. If was wasn't so consumed with hooker over there this wouldn't happened". She hissed but I didn't stay around to hear what else she had to say.

Pushing through the crowd I scanned every corner but turned nothing up. Stepping outside, I spotted her new heels sitting atop a bench. Picking them up I ran off in the direction of her apartment. She had nowhere else to go so it was my first choice. My heart raced from running and also knowing Derick was still about. As I neared her apartment I saw her shadow through the lighted window and relaxed a bit. Within seconds I was knocking on her door. Sure I could've gotten in regardless of the locks but I was trying to do this the right way and not scare her further. After several minutes I was still knocking. "I know you're in there Alice. I just came to apologize. I'm sorry. I overreacted and acted horrible. Please open the door and let's talk".

Nothing.

" Alice please. I'm a dick okay? I'd never hurt you. I know I suck at this relationship shit but I'm really trying. Alice, please. I wish you knew how much I really like you".

Nothing.

In an last attempt I said. "You left your shoes back there. I brought them to you".

After a long pause the door begin to open and  a glimmer of hope sprung to life inside me. Suddenly the dress I had bought her, the one she wore tonight smacked me in the face and the door slammed shut again. "Okay, that's a start Alice. I know you're mad, you have ever right to be but please let me in and hear me out".

" leave CJ". I heard her call through the door.

Fuck, how to people handle this type of shit? I knew I could have already been inside her apartment but I'm really trying to have a normal conversation. "Alice, open up angel. Talk to me. I hate what I did okay?"

Once again the door opened and out came the bracelets that I had purchased for her. This time I was prepared. Ducking the metal bangles I shoved the door open further. Alice tried with all her might to shut the door but I managed my way in. She was wearing her pajamas and I could see that she had been crying. I held my arm's open knowing how much she enjoyed being held. "Come here angel and let me hold you. I promise I can make this up to you".

Taking three steps back from me she yelled. "Fuck you CJ. I'm so done with men like you. Men that think they can control me, abuse me, and I'm suppose to just forgive them and thank my lucky stars they still want me. Now get out".

So this is new, Alice taking a stand. "Angel, baby. I'd never abuse you like that. What happened tonight shouldn't have happened and once again I'm sorry. I've been wanting to be with you since the first time I saw you. Why else do you think I made a trip across town when there's a dozen coffee shops near my place? It wasn't for the coffee, it was just to see you. Do you know how long it took me to find the nerve to speak to you? Girl, I got it bad".

I froze at my last word's. I couldn't believe I admitted that to her much less to myself.

Alice's eye's teared up and she shook her head no. In a voice filled with emotion she said. "I'm sorry CJ. I can't, not now. You reminded me so much of him tonight and I can't be with someone I fear".

" baby I'd never hurt you. Couples argue, that happens right? But we are now having a healthy argument. I'd never force anything on you angel". I tried to reason.

"But we aren't even a couple CJ. You won't even make love to me anymore. Not since I told you the truth. You treat me like a friend" . She accused.

"Not because I didn't want too. I was giving you time to heal. I didn't want to push you".

" but in the end CJ you pushed me anyways. You pushed me away tonight and I just don't know how I feel now. I'm a mess. I need you to go". She sniffled.

I opened my mouth to defend myself but clamped it shut. I would leave now just to prove to her that I would never force her into anything. Maybe she will regain a bit of trust back for me if I showed her that her feelings meant more to me than my wants. "Okay Alice, I'll go. Just promise to call me or stop by. I really want to fix this".

Alice only nodded and turned her back toward me as I left. Fuck, I hate that I can't be demanding with her. If I do she freaks out. I would've loved nothing more than to have peeled her clothes off and showed her just how sorry I was. Luck would have it that the first woman I was really interested in was screwed up, just as screwed up as me.

Before I left I had men stake her place out just in case that bastard showed his face. I will continue to see to it that she's protected. Hopefully in a few day's she'd cool down and give me a call.

Those few days turned into nearly a month and still no word. Through my men I've learned that she did go back to work at the coffee shop but the news I got today blew my whistle. My men sent me pictures of my angel entertaining another man. She was all smiles and seems she had recovered from me. Never had I felt like this and I don't know if I can hold my asshole side back much longer.