Victim (Glee)

30. Poems and Songs

"I love you uncondtionally, you are the world to me" 

"Only darkness could understand a love so deep as the one I feel for you, a feeling so deep all the oceans in the world couldn't compare to it" it was a original poem by Quinn. It was my favorite from all the ones I had read. 

I closed the notebook and pressed it inside my chest. It was enough for one night for me, I was afraid I would start weeping if I read more of it. If two poems made me grow a lump in my throat, one made of only happiness though, then the rest of the pages would make it worse. I took the CD she made. I placed it inside the radio I had and pressed play. The first song that played was Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band. It was heartwarming because it was one of my favorite songs and Quinn didn't even have a clue about it. I listened to the whole CD until I fell asleep on the bed with the notebook pressed against my chest and the songs replaying until eventually I woke up. It was around 8pm. I woke up with the book next to me and the music was still playing. I turned it off and sat down on my bed. It was going to be a long and boring day, I could feel it. I stood up and walked towards the kitchen. I could make plans with Quinn but I didn't want to. Firstly, she was still asleep. I knew that. And second, I didn't want her to know I forgave her already. Then last but not least, I knew that if I met her after reading and listening to the songs. I would be too weak to play tough and act cold towards her. It would be impossible.

The rest of the day went by quickly but it was still boring, I did nothing but watch TV, a couple of movies and listened to the CD she had made for me over and over.. I tried not to open the notebook. I promised myself I wouldn't touch it. Although I did, I broke my own promise around 9.30pm. I broke it badly.

I turned the page. I was into the fourth page. 

"Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond. Any experience, your eyes have their silence. In your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which I cannot touch because they are too near" -  e.e cummings. 

Page five.

"...Somewhere or other, may be near or far; past land and sea, clean out of sight; beyond the wandering moon, beyond the star that tracks her night by night" - c.rossetti

Page six.

"In that book which is My memory.. On the first page, that is the chapter when I first met you. Appear the words... Here begins a new life"  - d.alighieri

Page seven. 

"Not easy to state the change you made. If I'm alive now, then I was dead, though, like a stone, unbothered by it, staying put according to habit. You didn't just tow me an inch, no. Nor leave me to set my small bald eye. Skyward again, without hope, of course, of apprehending blueness, or stars....." - s.plath

Page eight.

"I'd rather have the thought of you to hold against my heart. My spirit to be taught of you with west winds blowing, than all the warm caresses of another love's bestowing, Or all the glories of the world, in which you had no part" - a.morgan

I stopped there. 

I walked out of my bed and took quick steps to the kitchen. I made myself something to eat. Noodles. It took me less than six minutes to be done. I started eating and began thinking about how deep Quinn could be. I knew she was a bit dark but never actually the poem kind of person. For her to be dedicating all of those to me, it made me feel special. Eight out of twenty-seven pages had been read by me, who knew how many other beautiful poems she had written down or maybe she even had more original ones, written by her? Those were my favorites. 
I tried to convince her to stop with the drugs, it didn't work. But still, the only good thing about it was that she admitted that she wouldn't stop - she didn't say 'okay' and then kept doing it behind my back. That would hurt me even more than it did. I know I said I wouldn't contact or meet her the same night. I broke my own promise again. When I finished eating I called her and told her to meet in at the park. I brought my bag with me. I put the bowl in the sink and told my mother I was meeting Quinn. She noticed my bag and figured it out herself. Around 10.15pm, I was there. She hadn't arrived yet, I went to our tree and sat on the grass, leaning both myself and my bag on it. I counted the seconds that passed and right when I lost myself around two hundred and three, she was walking towards me. She looked perfect. I had no other word to describe her than perfect. I could say beautiful, cute, angelic or pretty but all those things can't even be compared with 'perfect'. Just like nothing could be compared with Quinn.