Victim (Glee)

38. Reality?

"You need to promise me not to freak out until you hear every single word I have to say" she said, still holding my hand. I didn't know what to say so I just nodded. "So, you and Quinn have been a couple since when? Graduation?" she said.

"No, that was when we became a couple openly. We were dating for a month or so before that" I said.

"And you didn't find anything about Quinn weird?"

"No" I answered. I felt how I got nervous by the seconds that passed. My head was spinning and moments I shared with Quinn were flashing before my eyes. 

"Still haven't?" she said.

"No"

"You remember how I told you I used to date her?" I nodded. "She was never really in love with me. I lied to you, and if she said she was, she was lying to herself" 

"Why is that important?"

"Quinn is very special, Santana" 

"I know that"

"Not in the way you think she is. She lives in a different world, when our world is white hers is black and she has three different personalities"

"So?" I was confused because I didn't really understand what Rachel was saying.

"So, she's very complicated. There is so much you need to know but I'm still not sure about the fact that you won't freak out"

"I'm not going to freak out, I won't" I assured her. 

"Can you hold that promise? Are you sure?" 

"Yes" 

"Three weeks ago, Quinn called me," Rachel started "I picked up because I didn't know her number - she told me she wanted to get back together with me" she looked at me, her lower lip looked like it was shaking but I couldn't think clearly or see clearly enough to focus on it. "I said no, because it wasn't the first time she approached me while you two have been together"

"She's been che-cheating on me?" I asked, my voice shaky and my hand unsteady.

"Of course not, she loves you so much Santana" Rachel answered.

"What the hell are you saying then?"

"I told you, it's very confusing" she smiled. 

"Rachel, explain to me if you don't want me to freak out" 

"Quinn thought I was you"

"What does that even mean?"

"Like I told you, she lives in another world, a world created by herself. These three different personalities she has are three whole different people and one of them created a world where you and her are broken up and she tries to get you back. In that world, Santana is played by me" 

I stared at Rachel's face for a long time - waiting for her to laugh so I could breathe and laugh about her joke. Almost a minute passed and she was still just looking back at me. And I noticed the lip shaking. She was nervous, it couldn't be a joke. However, it couldn't be reality either. 
I thought about the time Quinn told me she had those mental illnesses, she told me the doctors were lying and she cried while I held her tightly against my chest just to minutes later go back to her same self, or the self she had that I knew about. I thought about when she told me she had the same shrink for nine years and how the shrink told her she might be diagnosed with Schizophrenia. If I'm right, Schizophrenia is when you have difficulties separating reality with your fantasies. I needed to check up on it.

"Santana?" Rachel waved her hand in front of my face.

"Are you telling me the truth?" I asked her, my voice was calm.