Secret Deception (Jonathan Black's Love Story)

Chapter 19: Unforgettable

Relunctly I returned to work to help figure out who wanted to kill me. I couldn't stand to be away from my boys for even a moment. So I sat a playpen in the office so they could be close to Jonathan and I throughout the day. They reacted happily to Cameron, Kay, Dina, Jordan, Gunther, Jennifer, Derek, Spencer, Emily, Aaron, Penelope and David but anyone else that came in to speak to me or Jonny they started fussing until one of us spoke. They would fuss about when they were hungry or lonely, it didn't take long for them to realize that if they fussed and cried either Jonathan or I would go over and pick them up. They both began to get their baby teeth in within the same week. I kept teething rings in the freezer in my office.
"Teething is going to be the worst part of having kids." Jonny sighed.
"Well, they're in pain and this is the only way they can communicate to us that it hurts." I answered holding Joshy.
I picked up some infant pain relievers, can you grab it out of that drawer there?" I asked motioning to the desk near the playpen.
I managed to get Joshy to take the medicine before I got him another teething ring and got him to calm down.
"See? They'll be fine." I smiled at Jonny.
He smiled back at me as he watched Joshy fall asleep in my arms.
I managed to lay him down next to Logan without waking either of them.
"My case history is so long. 500 cases in the last 10 years..." I sighed.
"We've narrowed it down a bit. Only about half of those were you heavily involved with. About 300 were just consultations and your name was never used with the public or the suspects." He said.
"Yeah. That's still 200 cases to handle."
"That's true, but some of them resulted in suicide by cop or self defense shootings, right?"
"That's true too. About a quarter of the ones left. 50 more down; 150 to go."
"Lexa... We'll figure it out."
"What if I'd been here? They only checked the package because I wasn't here." I looked at my husband.
"You weren't. Can't focus on the what ifs, Lexa. That's what you've always told me and Cameron, right?"
"Yeah it is... You're right. Have to move forward. So 150 cases. Let's start with the ones where the suspect is still in prison. It doesn't rule out a supporter or anything but those are less likely. There are about 75 of those. Leaving the final 75. Most of those I handled with the BAU. Only about 25 of those were me working on my own and that was during my assassin faze."
"You killed 25 people?"
"In two years, yeah. It was roughly a case a month for two years."
"Which one's do you think could come back at you now?"
"I haven't done anything like that since I was almost 19. If they're going to come back there has to be some kind of succession. Someone had to take over for the person I took out."
"So, we're back at The Children of Fortune assassination and The Order of Silence assassination." He muttered looking at the 25 files.
"I don't think The Order of Silence ever resurfaced. I'll call Penelope and ask her to run it."
About an hour later Penelope knocked on my office door.
"Come in." I called.
Jonathan and I were feeding Joshy and Logan.
"I ran The Order of Silence like you asked. I actually found that they resurfaced around the time that Jonathan was arrested." She said making funny faces at Joshy over Jonny's shoulder.
"I was more in the public light then. I defended Jonathan in court. I took a more leading role in the FBI's media presence. I started physically supporting charities instead of just financially. I upped my red carpet appearances." I mentioned.
"That's what you did during that year?" He asked.
"I was all over the news. You should have known. For the first time since your father died I was afraid. I couldn't believe that the most important case of my career; your case; I couldn't win. I had no idea what to do to help you. For the first time since taking over the FBI and opening my law firm and all of my success I was afraid. I felt like I'd failed. I failed you and I didn't know how to face you knowing there was nothing I could do or say to help you. I threw myself into my work. I did everything I could to try to make up for what happened... except what you actually needed." I focused my attention on him.
"I can't even begin to comprehend what you went through that first year. I hate that I wasn't there. I, honestly, had no idea how to." I sighed.
He reached across the desk to take my hand.
"You didn't fail, Lexa. You fought so hard for me. I never looked at it like a failure. It hurt to have you so far away from me for that year and when I'd ask you'd dance around it without giving me an answer." He smiled sadly at me.
"I didn't know how to tell you how I felt and how hard it was to face you. I almost couldn't walk into the prison the day I came to see you." I confessed.
"I'm glad you came to see me that day. I was almost completely broken until I saw you; until I was able to touch you. You're my strength, Alexia."
"And you're mine."