The Butterfly Effect: a Peter Parker Fan Fic

Part 49; Fear of Falling

"It never stops hurting, does it?"

"What?"

"Giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else."

~ Anonymous

The following day, I'm alone... yet again.

I am back to the Raven Garcia I was at the beginning of the school year: avoiding everyone, having no friends and craving death with every fiber of my being.

Music blasts through my ears, playing any sad song that I could possibly think of. My actions were bold yesterday and there is no doubt that I am glad I did what I did, but I just hope that it won't affect us forever. No matter how much of my anger is being projected at him right now, I love him... even though I would never admit that.

Even as I am completely engrossed by the scene in my murder novel where the killer is revealed, when the familiar brown haired boy walks past to sit at a table nearby, my head lifts up, my expression filled with heartbreak.

My teeth gnaw at my jaw to see him and MJ sitting side by side and her resting her head atop his shoulder and him kissing her cheek. It's as if last night didn't even happen. It's as if I'm invisible.

In fact, I am so under his grip, that I almost fail to realize that Ned's new girl has taken my seat at the table. Even that doesn't matter to me. What matters is that he doesn't even glance my way or take notice of the broken girl looking his way, longing for him.

I love you.

"Hey, you!" a cheery voice exclaims from in front of me.

Cassie's words cause my heart to jump out of my chest and drag my gaze from Peter. Maybe it's for the best. I'm not one to believe in fate, but fate didn't want us together and perhaps that is what is meant to happen. I'll just die alone I guess.

Despite my lack of experience, no one can make me feel what I feel around him. Not even my own father could make me feel as safe and protected as he does. Not even he could encourage me to be myself like he does. At the end of summer, I was intent on moving to Miami. Now, leaving Queens would be leaving Peter and that is something I wouldn't be able to do.

You aren't together, get it through your thick head, you stupid bitch!

My sub-conscious is right. I am stupid.

Cassie waves her hand back and forth in front of me, giving me a curious look, "hello? Earth to Raven!"

My eyes grow larger suddenly and I snap back into reality... temporarily. It's not as if this isn't going to take me ages to get over. "Sorry," I pull out my earphones and press my lips into a straight line. "I'm really out of it."

"Yeah," she snickers. "I can tell. What's on your mind? And where have you been?"

Judging by the seriousness in her eyes, she knows it isn't something she should be joking about, but nonetheless, the smirk on her face reminds me why the popular clique accepted her. Cassie is stunning. Sometimes, I envy her. Other times, I pity her. All the time? I adore her.

A bashful smile spreads on my face, "here and there, or better known as Miami."

Her jaw drops to her feet, "Miami?! You lucky girl. Why did you go there for?!" Then she realizes what's in Miami and her mouth makes an o shape. "My bad," her face scrunches up into something mixed with shame and sympathy. "Did that go alright?"

I shrug, "it was eventful, as they always are. But I mean, what else can I do but go through it and accept my trust funds, hey?"

This makes her giggle lightly, "trust funds. I hear that word too much. It's gross. And engineers don't need trust funds. I don't want to start my own business."