Chapter 32

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Marriage, Louisiana, and London swirled around in my tired head. It was six in the morning and I managed to keep myself up all night with my over thinking. Half of me has made up it's mind and the other half hasn't.

I want to stay here in London with Harry and my sister and everyone else. I want Harry and I to forget about all the drama and run away and get married and have children. But that dream is too impractical. He still has the band to worry about and I have my job and my friends and the warm Louisiana air that I've grown accustomed to.

Too many things were rushing through my head to comprehend. I knew I needed to go home and talk to my friends and sort my life out. I can't just graduate college school then move back to London. What about everything that I've worked for? My business degree just didn't fly into my apartment.

But I can't just leave my friends again. Who knows how long I'll be working? I can't afford to be taking nine hour flights every weekend. I decided to do something that I learned in physcology class. I weakly pushed myself off the ground and went to find some paper and pens in Harry's room.

When I did I wrote down all my feelings that ended up taking up two whole pages. I reread them just pondering aboit what I could do and what would be the right thing to do. My head is in New Orleans but my heart is with London.

You can only run from home, you can't escape it. After pouring my heart out to paper I felt a little better but still had it antagonizing me in the back of my head. My feet led me into the kitchen and I opened up the fridge looking for something to get my mind off of this. Alcohol.

A pang went through my heart because I felt like I was relapsing. Drinking to forget about my problems when everything I needed was in my life. Yet I still wasn't happy. Why can't I find happiness? Why is this so hard?

I mentally shut up and found the big white wine bottle and popped the cork off. Once I brought the heavy thing to my lips the tingling sensation of wine in the morning danced on my tastebuds and sizzled down my throat.

I knew that I would probably get drunk and fall over then wake everyone up so I decided to go into the bathroom. I needed a shower anyway. I set my wine bottle down then turned the shower on and stripped out of my outfit that I'd been wearing for a whole day now.

Once it was a good temperature I sat down on the cold tiles under the water and held my bottle close to my heart. Like a teddy bear but adult style. I wasn't really aware of the time but I could feel myself dozing off and I don't know how long I had been sitting under the water but my wine was empty.

"Emily?" Harry's voice roamed through the bathroom causing my head to start spinning at the volume.

"In..here" I mumbled. Next thing I knew he opened the shower door causing a rush of cold air to hit me.

"S-stop" I curled over on the shower floor and he just stared at me like I was crazy.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Leave me alone" I still held onto the wine bottle and buried my head in between my knees. I heard the shower stop and suddenly none of the hot water was hitting me so I was freezing. "Turn it back on"

"Are you drunk?"

"No"

"What are you holding?"

"Nothing" He sighed then didn't say anything for a while. I assumed he left so I relaxed but then felt him wrap a towel around me and pick me up like a baby. "I'm fine" I tiredly moaned.  

"Obviously not" He set me on the bed and closed the door then sat next to me. "Em why are you drinking again?"

"What are you talking about..I'm not drinking" I slurred.

"Then what is this?" He pulled the bottle out of my grasp waving it in front of my face.

"I didn't do it"

"Kiss me"

"Go away" I pushed him away and rolled over.

"You know you want to" He smirked coming closer.

"I don't want to" I tried pushing him away but he grabbed my hands and kissed me anyway. I felt his tongue explore my mouth definitely tasting the alcohol. He pulled away and glared at me.

"Em.."

"Just leave me alone if you're gonna get mad I'm tired"

"I'm not mad I just want to help"

"You don't even know what's going on" I mumbled.

"Actually I read your paper of feelings or whatever you want to call it and even if I didn't, I know you're stressed about whether you wanna stay or go"

"But you don't get it"

"What don't I get?" He stared at me with his beautiful green eyes that made me lose my train of thought especially being drunk.

"With marriage and moving and-"

"Wait marriage who said anything about marriage?" I froze trying to remember if I just said that outloud. Guess I did. Damit.

"Nothing just forget it"

"Wait you want to marry me?"

"I don't know I just thought about it" I stumbled out of bed dropping the towel on the floor on accident. I cursed to myself too lazy to pick it up. As I went to the door Harry rushed in front of me.

"What are you doing?" He asked looking at me as if I was insane.

"Going to get my clothes"

"Your naked"

"Exactly"

"Okay just sit down I'll go get your clothes for you" I did as he said and once my head hit the pillow I practically blacked out.

  •••••••••••••••

sorry i know its been a while. okayso i think im gonna end the book soon becaue there isnt much plot and i dont want to have to drag it out just to make it exactly 59 chapters so it will probbaly end around 45? i dont know yet but school is starting again and i dont have a lot of free time so i can only write on the weekends really and i dont want to drag this book out till december

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-katherine:)

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