One Shot Requests. [CLOSED]

It's Only Him, Really [ShayleyBourget - Yourtherocktomyroll]

Author's Note:

I honestly didn't think that I could make this more than 1,500 words, but it's a little over 2,000. Um, I don't know what I did with this. I had an idea and then as soon as I went to type it the idea disappeared and I was so upset. But, I think this is cute. If you don't, I totally understand. Just message me and let me know and I'll rework it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. (Excuse the language in the picture. I wanted to use one when he looked happy.)

“Just because you can deal with anxiety doesn’t make you any better than me, Jenni.” I don’t know where this is coming from, when I ever acted as if I'm better than him, because I'm not better than him, I don’t know anyone who is better than him. Sinking back on my spot on the couch, the camera sitting next to me dipping as I do, I open my mouth to say something, anything, but I can’t, I don’t know what he’s talking about. “But, you’re not, okay?”

Nodding my head quickly, I run a hand through my brown hair as my blue eyes grow wide, frightened, unsure of what to do. His breath reeks of alcohol, I don’t know how he got home, all I know is that when he called me I came over, he told me that he had something important to tell me, that he wanted to take some photos for the new Dayshell website while I was here, too.

I don’t agree with what he said, any of it, but I agreed either way, I don’t know why, I don’t know when he was able to get me to agree to him, out of everyone I knew, Shayley was the only one I felt comfortable truly talking around. He wasn’t himself, he hasn’t been himself for a really long time, ever since Jerry came around, even after Jerry left, especially after he quit Of Mice and Men.

It was a lie, when he said that he was going to stop drinking, when he said that he was going to work on getting better, on learning how to control his anxiety, stop drinking so much because it doesn’t stop the pain.

Groaning, he runs his hands through his hair, only I saw this side of him, it was always just me, no one else, it’s hard, I don’t understand why it all gets dumped on me. Granted, I’ve known him since high school, I was the shy girl who sat in the back corner of the class with my head down and he was the one who sat next to me, in every class we had together, and I never knew why until he told me that we should be friends.

And that’s what we were, what we are still, I suppose, that’s what we’ll always be, just friends, even though I want more. I would never tell him that I like him, ever, it just wouldn’t work, we’re at different points in life, I'm ready to make something of myself, I'm ready to start my career, and he’s still trying to find himself.

There isn’t anything wrong with him; I know that, he doesn’t know that though. That’s the biggest problem right now, in our friendship, because I want to help  him, I really do, seeing him this way, so depressed, makes me feel horrible, my heart sinks, I can’t help him because he won’t help himself.

“Shayley,” my voice is so soft that I'm surprised he heard me, even more surprised that he paid attention to my voice, that he turned his head to look at him, stopping himself from ranting on, and now that I have his attention I don’t know what to say that won’t upset him.

I love Shayley: his smile, the way his eyes shine when he sings or writes a song, how he rakes his fingers through his hair when he’s in deep thought, when the two of us just talk about whatever pops into our head, it’s who he was more than who he is now.

He’s killing me. All the times he yells at me for no reason, all the times he accuses me of thinking something that has never actually crossed my mind, it makes me want to contemplate our friendship. I clearly don’t mean as much to him as he does to me.

This is it, I'm really doing this; I’ve thought about it for a while, whether or not I'm really helping him by allowing him to yell at me. I'm not comfortable with yelling back at him, I don’t think I’ve yelled at someone who wasn’t my mother for a while, and that’s simply because I know she’ll be there in the end no matter what.