One Shot Requests. [CLOSED]

[PhilManansala] You're Not A Ghost To Me - DevinIsSunshine

I want to tell him that there’s no reason for him to frown, that when he frowns I feel bad. His frown is so sad, I hate seeing it, I don’t like it when he’s like this.

But, at the same time, I don’t blame him, I don’t blame him for being upset over this, because all of his hard work seems to go unnoticed by everyone.

Sometimes, it’s like he isn’t even in the band. No one calls out his name, cheers for him to come on stage, or even when he’ on stage.

It’s like he a ghost.

We talked about it once, the two of us, just us, about how he wishes he wasn’t so invisible to the fans, because he’s a part of the band, a big part of the band, and people fail to realize that sometimes.

It doesn’t just bother him. Tino gets upset, too, because they're ignored, no one yells their names of brings them presents at signings.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I watch as his defeated figure hops around the stage; his movements are happy, but his facial expression is not.

When I was in high school, I had a music theory class with him. That’s how we met. I was that shy girl who sat in the corner and he was the guy with long hair who sat right next to me because he was late to class the first day.

I remember him trying to talk to me, and all I would do is smile or nod, sometimes both if he was lucky, because I was so insecure.

I still am, don’t get me wrong, there are many things that I would change about myself if I could, but with him, I don’t feel that way.

He always tells me that he wouldn’t change a thing about me and that I'm insane to think that I need to change things.

All he tells me is that he wouldn’t trade in my hazel eyes for blue ones and that he wouldn’t dye my hair red since he likes my brown hair.

Shaking my head, I shrug my shoulders, every single time he tells me something like that, but he yells at me, he gets angry, because he so desperately tries to get me to see that I'm good enough.

I don’t know why he tries so hard.

Tino said something about him not wanting to be my friend, and I swear I had a panic attack, that is until Tino told me he wants to be more than that, and then I was giddy.

Then, then I realized that Phil doesn’t want that. If he did, he would act like he did, he always told me that he wasn’t going to hold back his affection from the girl he likes.

Running a hand through my hair, I cross my arms over my chest, leaning my weight on my right leg as I try to look out at the crowd, watching as they react to the music.

He turns to look at me, smiles softly, his eyes shining all of a sudden, and I think back to what Tino told me, and all I can do is hope that he was right.

&&.

“It just sucks.”

Biting down on my lower lip, I run a hand through my hair, nodding my head as I comb my fingers through my hair.

Sighing softly, I try to think of what to say to him, because I hate how the one date I can go to Warped to see him is spent like this, him upset and me speechless.

He groans, letting himself fall back onto the large bed in the back room of the RV. “I wouldn’t do anything else with my life. It just, I hate it.”

Nodding my head, I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say. “All that matters is that you love what you do.” I tell him this all the time, but I find myself constantly reminding him.

I would never do something that I didn’t love all my life. That’s not a fun job. He’s so young that he doesn’t have to have a job that he doesn’t enjoy.

But, I know he enjoys it. Sometimes he just needs a small push.

“I think I'm in love.” His words startle me, they make my heart skip a beat, they make me depressed, because I know that I'm not good enough for his love.

Opening my mouth to say something, anything, I don’t have anything encouraging to say. I can’t say something that would encourage him in the path of someone else.

The silence that lingers between the two of us is awkward. I hate it. It’s never been this awkward before. I swear that my eyes are so large.

I feel like my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, yet I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. That’s not normal. That’s why I didn’t want to fall in love with him.

He looks at me, under his long eyelashes, his brown eyes trying to connect with mine. “Devin, will you please look at me?”

Crinkling my nose, I look down at him. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” The fact that he wants me to say something is stupid. What am I supposed to say?

Well, Phil, I say you go for it while I just stand here and feel my heart burst out of my chest.

“How do I tell her?” He sits up quickly, and I raise my eyebrows at his sudden movement. “You have to tell me what to do.”

Shrugging my shoulders, I feel my eyes water with tears, I don’t know if my voice is going to crack when I talk, but I have to say something.

He’s begging me to say something. “Just tell her. Tell her. I don’t know what else you want from me.” I'm angry, he can hear it in my voice, but it’s only a mask for the pain I'm feeling.

“I love you, Devin.”