Tear you apart (J-Dog fanfic)

21. This love, this hate

My P.O.V.

And I disappeared once again. Why are bad things always happening to me? I'm so stupid to think that I had any chance with him! Of course, he's not gonna choose a crazy fan over his ex-girlfriend! That's it – I'm just a fan and nothing else! I hate myself!

I found a parking lot not so far from the venue and decided to just be by myself here for a while. I didn't care if it was forbidden; I was already in trouble anyway.

I really wanted to talk to my best friend, but whenever I texted her, she didn't text me back. God, I hope she ain't angry I choose the band over her. But I did offer her to join them instead of me. I tried to call her once again, but it went straight to the voice mail.

I really need a friend right now.

I heard someone's footsteps close to me. I don't know why, but I hoped it'd be Jorel. I hoped he'd come looking for me. I hoped he'd come up to me and say that everything was a joke – that he didn't really mean any of it and that he knew I didn't really want to stop speaking with him. I hoped that our last kiss wasn't our last kiss ever. I hoped that everything was a nightmare and that soon I'd be woken up. But all of these thoughts were gone once I turned around and faced my reality. He wasn't coming back for me. Not now, not ever. He's probably with his girlfriend now and he's not even thinking about me.

"Thank God, I found you!" Ryan said in relief. Why is he always after me? Is this a sign I should forget about Jorel and move on with someone else?

"Are you stalking me or something?" I forced a smile after my question.

"No, actually. I noticed how pissed off you were outside, after the show. I wanted to make sure you're okay, but you ran away... So, here I am."

God, why is he acting so nice? I literally abandoned him at the party, but he came back. Is he really into me?

"But why, though?" I wanted to know so badly.

"C'mon, it's you. There's something about you... I don't know. I feel like we have some kind of connection. And it really hurts seeing you being hurt." He started telling me all these sweet things; things that Jorel has never told me. I mean, he wasn't much of a romantic and neither was I, but just knowing he'd never say something like that to me really hurt. Again, why should I even think about him right now? I couldn't forget how much he hurt me when he mentioned my past in that context.

"So, tell me... Is there any problem?" Ryan asked in worry.

"You have no idea..." I couldn't really tell him what happened, right?

"Is it J-Dog?" He continued questioning.

"What? No! No... Why would you even think that?" I tried my best to hide the truth.

"I thought you had a crush on him or something, right?"

"I thought so, too. But... no. I don't even care about him whatsoever." I lied once again.