Tear you apart (J-Dog fanfic)

31. Something To Believe

My P.O.V.

Shit... I screwed it up again! I quickly looked down feeling ashamed; I couldn't believe I said it out loud, but it was true – I really fell in love with him and it was killing me.

"W-What did you just say?" Jorel stuttered with a surprised look on his face.

"You heard me..." I responded quietly still gazing at the ground. Damn, I couldn't face him in this awkward moment.

"But... how? I thought you were just... How is that even-" he couldn't even finish the question. I've never seen him so puzzled before.

"Oh, don't you play dumb!" I finally made eye contact. "Did you really think you could do and say all those things and not make me feel this way?" The anger was boiling in me.

"Oh, shit..." He spoke to himself. "I'm an idiot..."

We both stood there in silence for a couple of seconds.

"If you have nothing else to say, just leave..." I commented, still feeling furious. "Just leave me alone and let me get over you!"

"No... We can talk this through, I guess..." He said it silently as if he wasn't even sure of his own words.

"You better go talk to your girlfriend! She probably can't wait to see you again!" I shouted it and he just gave me an evil look.

"Why do you always have to bring her up?" He questioned with visible anger in his voice.

"Why do you always run to her forgetting you've been with me?" I got really furious. "I just can't fucking stand her! She's always with you!"

For a second, he looked kinda hurt, but I didn't even know what to believe in at that moment. It felt like he didn't know how to respond and without thinking, I just let it all out.

"And how's she better than me, huh?" I yelled. "Am I not good enough? Or were you doing all of that just to make me jealous? Well, guess what? I am jealous!"

"Okay, calm down..." He finally spoke. "For fuck's sake, please calm down..."

"Tell me what makes her better than me!" I couldn't control my emotions.

"What? N-nothing..." He looked at the ground while searching for the right answer. "We just have a past, that's it! Am I not allowed to see her?"

"Well, I don't know, Jorel! I can't forbid you who you're gonna see! But if you're just gonna use me while being with someone else at the same time; then I don't wanna be a part of it!" My brutal honesty was showing once again.

"And how about you? Don't act so innocent! What you did with that dude is unacceptable! Or was it all just for attention?"

And, he brought it up again... Nice!

"Are we done with it, yet?" I couldn't believe this. Even though I attacked him first, his comments were getting on my nerves. "You're just overreacting over a few photos! And no, it wasn't porn, like you called it..."

"You kissed him in front of me-" He interrupted me.

"I don't know why you're bringing that up now!" Now I didn't let him finish his words. "You didn't give a shit about me then! It was before we-"

"Who says I didn't give a shit?"

"You said it!" And it was true. He made sure I knew he didn't care about me quite a few times, actually.

"Well, maybe I wasn't completely honest!" I was sick and tired of his excuses.

"How do you expect me to know if you're lying or not? Are you saying that you weren't honest last night with all that pathetic crap you told me?" He really seemed like a completely different person last night; the person I fell in love with. The one who held me and made sure I was fine, and not the one who has always argued with me.

"That's not what I meant! Look, you have no idea why I had to act the way I did. I had my reasons!"

"Then, tell me!" Despite everything, I wanted to believe him. But he was the one who had struggles with communication. "I wanna know everything..."

"It doesn't even matter now! You're leaving soon, anyway..." He hesitated before he added: "I cannot commit to something that's not gonna last!"

What he said hurt me, not gonna lie. I literally confessed my love and he just gave me this dumb response.

"If that's all, then I think we should stop talking... For real this time. As you said, I'm leaving, so there's no point to... you know..." I stopped for a second. It hurt, goddamn it, but I didn't wanna look weak. "It'll take me some time to forget about everything... But you'll find comfort easily..."

"Don't say it like that..." Jorel referred to the comfort part. "But if you want us to stay away from each other, then fine! We're not gonna talk, no matter what..."

"It's a deal..." I whispered. Honestly, I wasn't completely sure if this was the best idea, but I just wanted to leave in peace.

"All right, then... The show is starting soon, so I'mma go now." We made eye contact again as he added: "Are you coming? To the show, I mean..." He smirked.

I just rolled my eyes. Does he really have to be such a pervert? "No..." I answered.

"So, you don't wanna see me play? Fine! Someone else does..." He just turned around and walked away leaving me all by myself on the bus.