Tear you apart (J-Dog fanfic)

29. Comin' In Hot

My P.O.V.

After I came back from Ryan, I decided to finally tell everyone that I'm leaving. First, I put Ryan's little gift along with some other stuff on my bunk so no one can find it. I don't think what we did was wrong. I got too distracted yesterday because of the booze; another way I probably wouldn't have done it... But at least, no one will find out about it.

***

It took me much more than I thought, but I managed to explain guys everything... At least I didn't cry this time. Jorel wasn't present and I didn't bother questioning his absence. He already knew everything after all.

They were all truly worried about me. I could see the sadness on their faces when they found out they're gonna continue the tour without me.

"Damn, baby, that's fucked up. We were just getting to know you..." Charlie commented. "But this isn't the ending, of course. We're gonna stay in touch, for sure." He was so sweet; his words gave me hope that I'll actually see them again.

"Yeah... And I really am sorry," I started apologizing over again. "There's always so much drama going on with me. If any other fan was chosen, none of this would've happened."

"Hey, it's okay, really..." Danny added while looking at me with his puppy eyes. "Life is unpredictable, you know. No need to apologize for the things you can't control."

"I know... I just feel really guilty." I told them honestly, still feeling like shit. "You guys gave me this amazing opportunity that everyone dreams of and now I feel like I let you down..."

"Don't say it like that..." Danny was still convincing me that it's all right. "You have more important things to worry about, don't you worry about us..."

"Yeah, we'll somehow survive..." Charlie interrupted. "...at least some of us will." He whispered the last part, so I wasn't really sure what was he implying to.

***

"Anyway..." Johnny finally spoke. "Are we gonna rehearse or what?"

"I see you guys are missing one member..." Da Kurlzz commented.

"And I see you're here to take his place," Johnny sounded serious.

"What? No fucking way! I'm not a rapper! And I'm most definitely not a bassist!" He responded through the laughter.

"Well then..." Charlie referred to him. "Do you wanna join us on the next show and play drums?"

"Not sure how the fans would react..." Da Kurlzz responded quietly while looking at the floor. Poor thing! He probably got a lot of hate comments after he left.

"C' mon, man... At least join us for the one song!" Dylan replied.

"And I'm sure that most of the fans would be thrilled!" Danny added and they all agreed.

"Okay, maybe..." Matt was still having second thoughts. "You guys are really supportive; I don't know what to say!"

"Just say yes, baby!" Charlie joked once again. "We're comin' in fucking hot!"

***

I joined them all at the rehearsal and surprisingly, Jorel was there too... with Vanessa! Again! Oh, who am I kidding? I tried to hide it; I tried to lie to myself, but I was so fucking jealous! I couldn't stand her because goddamn it, I still wanted him.

And what is wrong with him anyway? This isn't the first time he went to her after ditching me. Did he magically forget that he was holding me last night while we were both almost naked? And all that shit he told me that made us both tear up? Was it all just acting? Or did he realize we're done for good, so she's just his second choice?

What the fuck is going on in the mind of a stoner?

Vanessa came up to me starting a conversation once again. "Hey, it's you again!" She smiled after her words, but I just couldn't fake my facial expression this time. "I heard you're leaving. I'm so sorry!"

"Oh, you heard that? From who?" I tried to play dumb and it kind of worked.

"Jorel mentioned it earlier..."

"Interesting," I responded cynically.

"Hey, Vanessa!" Da Kurlzz interrupted us; thank God! "Didn't expect to see you here again."

"I should tell you the same! Is this some kind of a reunion?" She asked him.

"No, not exactly... But they all want me to join for at least one song at the next show." He explained to her, and I just stood there awkwardly since I wasn't really friendly with neither of them.

"Is Matthew annoying you, V?" I heard the familiar voice from behind and I froze once again. Well, this couldn't be worse! Jorel quickly joined us all which made me even more uncomfortable.

"Shut up, dumbo! I'm not annoying anyone!" Da Kurlzz jokingly defended himself.

"Aren't you supposed to be rehearsing?" I rather stated than questioned. Damn, the anger in me was killing me and for a second I forgot that the two of us weren't alone this time.

"I think I'm allowed to check on my girlfriend!" He answered rudely and wrapped his arms around Vanessa's waist.

"Yeah, I didn't ask you that, but whatever," I added after his gesture. I don't know what's gotten into me but I just didn't wanna stop this little argument.

"Whoa! Are you two in a fight or something?" Da Kurlzz obviously noticed something.

"Nah, everything's fine." I was the first one to respond. I looked Jorel deadly in the eyes just to see his reaction. Damn, I just wish I could know what he was thinking at the moment.

"Hey, folks!" Johnny came to save the day. "I don't know what kind of gathering is going on here, but we're here to play. So, you two fags come over here so we can finally start!"