Tear you apart (J-Dog fanfic)

27. I'll Be There

Author's note: Guys, I know it's been a while, so if you forgot some details, I recommend to read the previous chapter again. :) 

Jorel's P.O.V.

"What are you talking about?" I looked at her in surprise.

"Something happened..." She spoke through the tears. "...to- to m-my friend... The one who was at the first show with me..." She stuttered while trying to explain. "She ended up in a hospital... I- I need to be by her side right now... I need to go..." She was a mess; and once again, it hurt like hell just seeing her cry. At least it wasn't my fault this time...

"Alright... Try to calm down... Please..." I whispered while holding her still. "Wanna tell me what exactly happened?"

"She had this medical condition... I don't know what happened this time, but it's no good." As she spoke, she finally relaxed a little bit. Good! It means she trusted me, I guess. "Maybe I'm just overreacting; it's not like she's dying... But I feel responsible for not being there. I left her; I left everything... what for?"

"Don't be so harsh on yourself..."

"And I thought she was ignoring my calls on purpose... I'm so stupid!" She was devastated.

"Look, you're not stupid. And you're definitely not the one to blame for what happened!" I tried to cheer her up. "You're just too kind and empathic. Of course, you're worried about your friend..." The words I was about to say already hurt, but I needed to say them out loud: "And if you really wanna go – then go... Nothing is stopping you..." I bit my tongue and then took a deep breath. At that moment I realized how much I wanted her to stay. Goddamnit, I lost her before I even got a chance to have her. She would leave either way, sooner or later, but I was so not prepared for that. I've been preoccupied with a lot of shit, especially with trying to protect her and I didn't even realize that all of it was for nothing. The tour would be over anyway, and so would we.

"Are you saying it's possible? I can really leave earlier?" The excitement in her voice awoke me from my thoughts.

"Well, first of all, we'll have to speak with management and do all that paperwork just like we did when you first joined us..." Fuck, even talking about this was hard for me. I tried to stay confident by hiding my feelings the best I could. "But it is possible, of course. If you're completely sure, you can leave in a couple of days, I think."

"That would be perfect, then!" She replied with a mild smile. "She's the most important person in my life; my only family, you know. She's been with me through all the mess! Now it's my turn to do the same."

"I understand..." I added. "You never actually told me about your past, but from what I've heard, I can relate..." Damn, this was probably the most honest conversation we've ever had. "And I'm sorry for making your life even harder. You came here with some problems on your own, but instead of helping you forget about it, I made things even worse; and all because I'm a selfish fuck-up." Now, I started to tear up a little, but somehow I managed to stay strong still. "The only good thing I did for you was avoiding you... Or at least trying to... It seems like I can't even do that right..." I smirked and she looked at me with her puffy eyes, as if she was analyzing every inch of my face.

"Now, who's been harsh to themselves?" She forced a smile, even though she still looked gloomy. "By the way... Why did you come in here, anyway?"

"I heard you were crying..." I sighed. "And honestly, I hate to see you cry... Ever since that night I came in here all fucked up and started an argument for no reason... I just... I felt really bad for making you cry... And I barely even knew you then... But ever since, I felt like... like-" I stopped for a second; I couldn't finish my sentence. I actually felt teardrops in my eyes, but I tried so hard to stop it. I just didn't wanna be weak in front of her. I don't know if it was because of remembering all the shit I've done or the fact that she's leaving, or maybe finally realizing something... but something inside of me was breaking me apart. I held back my tears, but then I noticed she couldn't.

"Don't cry again... Please..."

"Is it bad that I'm comfortable with crying in front of you?" She asked through the tears and I just shook my head.

"Not at all... You're so brave, you know. Much braver than me... and much more honest..." I reassured her.

"I don't think that's true..." She whispered; tears still rolling down her cheek.

"Trust me – it is. Now I see it's a good thing that I let you go..." As much as it hurt, I admitted the truth; to me... not to her.

It felt like we couldn't break the eye contact.

"Is this your way of saying goodbye?" She asked, a few moments later.

"I guess so..." I answered quietly. "Look, I really am sorry... for everything. We were a mistake, so now that you're leaving we can just forget about everything and continue with our lives..." I stand up wanting to leave before I say more shit and ruin everything even more. "And please, don't cry because of me... I'm not worth it..." I finally left before she even got a chance to reply.

I'm a moron; I probably made things worse once again, but who knows... Maybe it's for the best.