SLOW BURN

1. friends forever

THEN

JOSH

It hurts to look at her.

It hurts to look at her smile knowing I'm not the cause for it. I like the way her cheeks tug towards her eyes whenever she smiles or laughs. That's when I know she means it. It hurts to see her walk into the arms of another man. It hurts to see her lips meet his in a kiss. It hurts to know she isn't mine.

I can't bring myself to call this love. Surely love isn't supposed to hurt like this? I know it's wrong to feel like this about her but I can't do anything about it...so I'm leaving. I need to run before I do something stupid that will hurt her...that will hurt my brother. Brad is one lucky son of a bitch. I hope he knows that.

I can see her from where I am sitting right now. It's graduation day. The day is finally here. I am sitting on the stage of the auditorium which is flooded with people. Of course, her face stands out in the crowd. She's sitting next to Brad with my parents, watching the class Valedictorian give her speech. I know she's here because of Brad and some of her senior friends but for a moment, I allow myself to pretend that she's here for me.

I can't pin point the exact moment I started to care so much for her. She was my friend before she became my brother's girlfriend. I liked her before Brad paid any attention to her. In a way, I know they're together because of me. I was their bridge. I should feel good about that, I suppose, but I don't. Thinking about it makes me sad. When did I become this depressed person? God knows I need the change of scenery. I can't wait for this to be over.

Somehow, I made it through my senior year of high school. Now it's time to go into the real world. It's time to become a US Marine. I know that's going to be the distraction I so badly need. I won't ever have to worry about getting caught on the feelings I have for my brother's girlfriend. It's not right. I know it.

Natalie suddenly meets my gaze and I almost jump. They're in the fifth row so only a few feet away from where I am which is the first few rows, considering my last name starts with an 'A'. She smiles at me and raises her eyebrows as if saying, how exciting, you're graduating!

I offer her a smile in return just because I can't ignore her. She caught me staring at her already anyway. I try to remember the last time we made eye contact. I can't even remember the last time we had a proper conversation. It's all my fault. I'm the one that stopped talking to her in an effort to fight whatever the hell I feel for her. Things would be so different if my brother wasn't her boyfriend. Then I wouldn't feel so guilty about trying to steal her away.

I hope she knows I valued our friendship. It's the only good thing I got from high school. Natalie and I met on her first day of freshman year during our first period. We had art together. I was a sophomore. She didn't get together with Brad until the beginning of this year, their junior year, my senior year. I thought this year would never end.

The ceremony drags on. My family and Natalie all stand up to cheer when they call my name and I walk across the stage to get the fake diploma. It's just the diploma pouch with nothing inside. They'll be mailing our diplomas home. Why? I don't know. I've never understood that logic. I'm over all of it by the time the ceremony finally ends. I hang out with some of my friends and we take pictures before I go out looking for my family outside. I spot the big 2011 balloons up in the air. My mom is so extra. She is already crying as I make my way towards them.

"Jesus, mom, don't cry," I say as I put my arms around her. "It's just high school."

"I'm just so proud of you." She mumbles as she hugs me tight.