SLOW BURN

55. let's go home

I watch the familiar orange flame burn on the wood and smile as I think back to my birthday, when Crystal made us swear to do this every now and then. It was such a good idea. It's just the six of us tonight. Brad and Crystal, Savannah and Kevin, and Josh and I. Three couples. Six happy people. At least I hope everyone is as happy as I feel.

"Pretty."

I smile at Crystal as she sits next to me then look down at the rose in my hand. "I know. Josh gave it to me for our anniversary."

She frowns. "But it hasn't been a year."

I laugh. "He's been celebrating every month that passes. This is the seventh rose he gives me."

She rolls her eyes. "He's so cheesy."

I look to the side where he's talking with Brad. "He's sweet."

She studies me. "How are you doing? I heard what happened last Friday."

My smile fades a little as I remember last Friday when I got a call from Josh's chief. I can still feel my heart pounding hard against my chest. I knew something had happened the moment he told me who he was. And then Josh is on the line telling me that he's okay and that I don't need to worry. Apparently, there was some confusion. It had been one of Josh's colleagues that had gotten hurt and the chief was miscommunicated. I was relieved, of course, but I know that it was very much possible. Josh risks his life for a living and that night reminded me how vulnerable life is.

I had gotten used to the routine. It's been seven months since we got married so we are very well settled now. We had to live with Savannah for two more weeks after the wedding until the deal closed on the house and then it was another week until we were able to get a bed and move everything into the house. It was stressful and tiring. It seems like so long ago though only a few months have passed. At the same time, I wouldn't change any of it for anything. Josh and I have spent many memorable moments since we got married. He makes me the happiest woman alive.

I can't believe it's almost a year since we got married. Time goes by so quick, especially when you're happy. Josh and I have been hoping for a baby but it hasn't happened yet. I hate that I'm starting to get worried. I know it's totally normal to not get pregnant right away, especially when I had been on birth control since I was a teenager. I just want a baby so bad. I'm scared that I won't be able to give Josh the pleasure of becoming a father. I'm scared I won't be able to carry children on my own. It's starting to eat me inside.

"Good." I sigh. "I got scared but I'm glad it was a false alarm."

She nods. "I know exactly how you feel."

"That's what we get for falling in love with firefighters." I smile.

"Brad is worth it most of the time." Crystal jokes.

I laugh. "How are you guys doing?"

With Brad and Crystal living in Portland, we don't see them as much. This is the first time in about three months that we all get together. There's always something in the way. Work. It's always work. Mostly on their part. I'm so lucky to have weekends off. One of the perks of being a teacher. I finally got my own class this school year. It's been challenging but it's also the best thing I've ever done. I feel passionate about my job. I can't imagine myself doing anything else anymore. I'm so glad I went for it and followed my passion.

"Good," she says. "We've been on opposite shifts lately so that kind of sucks but it also makes the time that we see each other better." She smirks.

"TMI." I joke laughing and she laughs with me.

We suddenly hear Kevin and Savannah arguing a few feet away. My smile fades and I shake my head. "I honestly don't know why she's still with him. They're always fighting."