Blue Star Reviews [CLOSED]

The Clumsy Dietician

Author: panixsoulmates

Reviewer: The_Sarcastic_Girl_

Chapters : 10

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✒Cover:

A nice cover but the pictures are not that much clear. I found the cover little blurred and messy.

Although, fonts are good.

✒Title:

I have read 10 chapters, but still the story isn't much progressed. So, judging the title based on 10 chapters would be little bit unfair.

But I would like to mention one thing about your story. The term "Clumsy" is a important element of your story.

So, you have to carry the term from first of story, it's not only the Dietician who is clumsy but character also.

So, you have to show the character clumsy to make your title more effective. But here I felt it's lacking somewhere.

✒Blurb:

Blurb is written very nicely, presenting the main theme of story. I liked it.

✒ Plot /Storyline:

As I said earlier, I have read only 10 chapters and the story hadn't progressed that much.
The main story yet to develop, but I liked the way you have shown Manik and his relationships with his family members.

But still I'm little but confused with Cabir and Manik relationship. They both are friends then why Cabir live in Malhotra Mansion? Not mentioned!

Characters are important part of story, everything related about them should be explained to avoid any confusion.

But then the scenes are pretty amazing and nicely described. I liked the way Manik care everyone, even his insecurities shown nicely.

His love for Abira and his family really beautifully explained. Though there aren't much scenes of Manan, but Manik asking Nandini's to make food for him and that which he doesn't like it was something confusing.

I agree people can mood swings specially when they have fever. But eating a food which you hate without any hesitation is something too illogical. I would have looked at the food thousands times before taking a morsel. But Manik..

You need to little work on characters and their scenes.

Specially in Nandini's character, as I said it's the character "Nandini" who is Clumsy not only the Dietician. So, you have to carry the clumsiness thoughout the story.

✒Grammar:

Minor errors which can be corrected by proof reading.

But, let me you, you are writing the story in italic fonts and dialogues in Bold. Italic fonts are used when you have to write Flashback, Past scenes or dream sequence.

You should use normal fonts for writing the description and all.

Payments :

A permanent Follow and read my book 5 chapters of my book, "Tere Mere Daarmiyaan".