Her Scorned Heart

Chapter 32

Dee POV

*

Spring break was over so now it's back to the books. Things have been a bit better now that Shani agreed to let me be involved. She's not letting me do much but she's personally updating me on the baby now instead of Royal. And I'm actually able to talk with her. We haven't had a real discussion on our past because she wants to save that for when she's able to handle it and I respect that. 

"Oh shit nigga you scared the hell out of me," Harris said walking into the office. "I didn't expect to see you. What you doing here?"

"Didn't have anything better to do," I shrugged. Royal said he was thinking of letting Harris run this trap when I leave. I'm cool with it since Harris isn't a bad guy. He actually reminds me a little of Kels.

"You alright? Looks like you got some things on your mind."

"Well, I'm sure you're aware of this thing going on between me and Shani." He nodded. "I convinced Shani to let me be involved more because the baby might be mine."

"You regret asking her?"

"Not necessarily. It's just kind of harder than I thought. Shani's the only girl I truly cared about and the thought that she might be carrying another man's baby is a harder pill to swallow than I thought."

"Is that it?" I shrugged. "I've never really been in your shoes so I can't say what you should or shouldn't do nor do I understand what you're going through. But I can tell you're trying. Do what you feel is right and everything will fall into place. You messed up big time but you can also fix it. Even if that baby is another man's child doesn't stop anything. Just take this as a lesson and move forward."

I nodded. "Thanks man. Truly."

"No problem." He gabbed whatever he came for and headed towards the door. He stopped and looked at me. "Did you find the answer yet?"

"Nah."

"Well time waits for no one. I suggest you start looking because before you know it you'll meet your deadline. You say you care about that girl right? Then you need to stop sulking over the past and fight for a future." He walked out after that. 

I know I should but I feel like I don't deserve the chance. After everything I've done to her I don't deserve her. Maybe I should just let her go. If the baby is mine be there like I intend but if not...should I move on? My phone started ringing. It was my old man. "What's up?"

"What's going on screw up?" I rolled my eyes. He's been calling me that ever since me and Shani broke up. 

"Nothing. What's up?"

"Just calling to check on you. Heard you and Shani are talking again."

"Yeah but mostly about the baby. I know it's hard to believe but I really am trying to change. I know forcing us back together isn't going to do anything but stress Shani out so I think this is the best way to do it."

"Is it just because of her heart condition or is this really a real change Dee?"

"It's real pops. I keep thinking back to all the things I did to Shani without any regards for my actions and I just feel this massive weight of guilt. I realized this is not the person I want my son to idolize or the person I want my daughter to end up with. It's toxic and damaging. I think the worst part of everything is I can't give Shani closure. Tell her why I did what I did."

My pops sighed. "Ihave to say, I partly blame myself for that. You didn't have the best example growing up with your mother and I's toxic relationship. It couldn't have been more toxic if you tried actually. Idon't know if you remember but me and your mother went through similar trialslike you and Shani."

I gasped. "You cheated?"

"No nigglet. She cheated on me, constantly. And no matter what she did or how many times she did it I always forgave herbecause of the love I had for her and because of you. I never wanted you togrow up in a broken home. I had to learn the hard way that if they'recontinuously doing the same thing that hurts you it's better to let go."

"Damn," I said leaning on the desk. Pops never did go into details on why him and my mother divorced and when I did ask when I was younger he got defensive so I minded my business. I remember them always fighting but never what about. After the divorce I lived with my mother for a long time before my dad got custody. "So what made you divorce each other?"

"She slept with my brother and got pregnant."

"Damn she slept with Uncle Cliff?" I scrunched up my face. "Mama dirty for that." Literally. That man is littered with STDs and no sense of proper hygiene. "Wait, what happened to the baby?"

"I raised her."

My jaw literally dropped. "Hold up! Are you saying-"

(Author's note: Not sure if I named his sister or not) "Maya is really your cousin. And no, she doesn't know yet. I'm going to tell her when she graduates."

"Damn that's deep," I said sitting on the couch. I needed to take a seat because this was some deep stuff. "How? How were you able to raise a child that wasn't yours pop?"

"That's not an easy question to answer son. It was a confusing period for me too. My head was telling me one thing but my heart wouldn't listen. That whole time I was hoping for a sign of some sort to show me what to do. And I got it. After the results, nothing changed. My love for your sister was just as strong as it was when I hoped she was mine so that in turn made her mine. I wanted to be there for her so I was."

"That must've taken a lot of strength. Forget what they did to you."

"Who said I forgot? You never forget what someone did to you son. The only thing you can do is move forward."

I quietly stared at the ceiling. "You think I can move forward?"

"If that's what you truly want. You can't be there for that child or Shani truly until you forgive yourself. You made mistakes and it's time you recognize them. Figure out yourself before worrying about anybody else."

"You're right. Thanks pop. For real. I really needed that." We talked some more as he updated me on Maya possibly dating. He was heated and so was I. I needed to fly out there and see who this little nigga was trying to talk to my baby sister. 

Besides that I'm glad I talked with my pops. He helped a lot. He was right. I needed to forgive myself and figure me out. Worrying about me and Shani's relationship is not the priority at this point. We just need to be there for the baby if it's ours and that's all. 

Kind of had no idea how to end it so it feels kind of abrupt and off to me. And if you're wondering this is real growth for Dee but I'm still figuring out what I want to happen with him. We'll see directly. 

On another note, I've figured out what my next book will be! More details will be out as we get closer to the end of this book. Stay tune!