Metanoia || Taekook

Chapter 30

A/N

Trigger warning, this chapter contains serious mental health problems.

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Jungkook looked at the room before him, his thoughts slowly getting clouded by his past memories. It was the first time he was going to open up to someone about all of it but somehow it felt good. It felt safe to tell his story to Taehyung, the boy wouldn't judge him and Jungkook knew that. Taehyung had been nothing but honest with the ravenette and that fact only made it so much easier to open up himself.

"I lost my mother a few years back, she was my everything and I just didn't know how to deal with that." Jungkook started, memories of his mother slowly starting to cloud his mind.

His mother had been his rock ever since he was little and to lose the one thing that kept you with both your feet on the ground had been way too hard on the young boy at the time. Jungkook and his mother did basically everything together and she supported him in every decision he made. Sometimes guiding him a little bit in another direction whenever he was about to make a not so great decision. All of that had changed the moment she became sick, there were no little trips anymore, there were no holidays or simple tea dates anymore. All of it had slowly slipped away from the ravenette, making his life completely different than he had always known. He didn't know how to deal with his feelings, the sight of his sick mother and the fact the whole world showed him way too much pity when he didn't even know how to feel about everything himself.

"The whole thing fucked me up pretty badly. My father was never around after her funeral, being away to work almost non-stop. He pretty much left me on my own when I needed him the most." Jungkook continued, still staring into space.

He still remembered the week after his mother's funeral. At first his father had been home, being there when Jungkook woke up and felt like he needed someone to keep his mind straight but after that week things had changed. His father wasn't there anymore whenever he woke up or when he came home. There was nobody anymore who told him to stop when he was going in the wrong direction, but most of all there wasn't a shoulder to cry on when he finally broke down after all that time. Whenever his father did come home Jungkook wasn't there anymore, being away from everything seemed like a good solution at the time so that's what he had gone with. Years struck by and Jungkook could safely say that he and his father had become almost strangers living under the same roof by now. His father didn't know how to speak with Jungkook anymore and Jungkook had no idea how he needed to speak to his father without lashing out or running away.

"I found some friends at that time. Friends who made me forget about my mother and father. Friends who promised me the world and who didn't ask me any questions about my mother or my feelings. They gave me ways to let all of it out without ever talking about it." The ravenette sighed, knowing he had done some pretty bad things back then. Things he wasn't proud of but couldn't undo anymore.

"It was Namjoon who eventually told me to stop acting like a teenage rebel and get some help. That's how I became part of the therapy group. I compromised with him and Jin that the only way I would accept help is if I got to keep my freedom. In the beginning I hated being here but now it's a lot better. It really helps even though some part of me still doesn't believe it does." Jungkook finished, his eyes getting more in focus and his mind slowly getting rid of the clouded feeling inside of it.

The ravenette blinked a few times with his eyes before he noticed Taehyung's much closer than before presence beside him. Taehyung had somewhere along the way cuddled up against him. His arms around Jungkook's middle and his head on Jungkook's shoulder. The ravenette shortly looked down at Taehyung's head, a small smile forming on his face. It felt nice to finally tell someone all there was about him without being judged for once. Taehyung just listened and supported him, something he needed now more than ever.