Home (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 15

The firework show ended after 20 minutes. But you two were still on the boat, it swayed softly back and forth. For the last 20 minutes, no one said a single thing. The sound of the night carried the conversation. In your mind, you knew it was coming sooner or later the words that he spoke. Not that you were sure he still felt that way after the years apart, but he was so persistent, love was the only explanation and driving force behind his action. Still, your heart couldn't believe he had actually said it. Was it the first time ever? It must be, because you don't know what's the appropriate way to react to this.

Namjoon didn't mind the silence, he was grateful that you didn't/haven't flat out rejected him, but he's waiting for it. Every second was agonizing to his heart. The boat came to a halt and it was back on the shore. He helped you out, you offered a thank and he shook his head. "It's what I should do." he said.

"Namjoon, about what you said earlier-"

"I know what you're gonna say, Y/N." he interrupted. "Before you reject me, let me make my case first."

"Alright." you said, looking down to smile. You weren't planning on rejecting him. He was kicking the dirt with his foot but stopped to look at you, head on.

"Before I met you, there was a path I wanted to take. I was going to be a decent person in life. I was going to go to school and make my parents proud. I was going to major in something they wanted. And I would have been happy with being what they wanted me to be. After meeting you, that changed. I no longer wanted to be a decent person, I wanted to be an extraordinary person for you. Maybe not just for you, but the people around us. I no longer wanted to be what my parents expected of me because that didn't make me truly happy. Music made me happy and it made me even happier when my songs made you smile. It became my goal to always make you smile. And I took that with me when I left. I was going to make you so, so happy and loved with my songs. That goal blinded me from what was truly important, being next to you.

By the time I realized that, I felt like it was too late to go back to you. That's why I didn't write, that and the company didn't allow me to date anyone but that shouldn't be an excuse. I could have done something but I didn't. I was a coward and I still am. I often ask Jungkook or my parents about how you were doing, they always answered good but I knew that was a lie for my sake. I even tried calling your mom once and she hung up after I said hello. I don't blame her. I was the worst.

But still, I couldn't bear to not see you any longer. Even though I knew you hated my gut, even though I knew there would be risks, I had to. And I'm so sorry for all the trouble you went through because of me. And I know there will be more risks if we're together now, not that you would want to, but I swear I will protect you from all of it." He paused, looking at you with glimmers of hope.

"You're right. I do hate you. And you are a coward." you said plainly. He bit his lips, he knew this was coming so he braced himself. "But I'm a bigger coward. I've been running from it since you left. I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings because I was hoping it vanished into thin air if I didn't speak of it. But it was there, it was always there. It was impossible to avoid once you debuted. I hear girls talking about how great you are, or how they wish they could marry you and I wanted to strangle every last one of them. Not because what they said weren't true, but because I wanted to marry you when we were younger and it all seemed so far away and impossible. You were like a star, billions of light years ahead and too bright for someone like me. And when I can reach you, it would be too late. And now you don't belong to me anymore, you belong to the rest of the world."

Namjoon was happy about the whole marry part, but not the rest. He shook his head vigorously. "That's not true."

"But it is. Your music belongs to the world, and so does your heart. You can't give up that dream, it would be selfish of you." you chuckled softly.

"But I can, for you." he said with determination, it was the determination that no one should doubt, and you didn't.

"What about the rest of your group? Hoseok and Yoongi? Would you leave them?"

"I-"

"I don't want to be the reason why you give up that family."

"But I love you."

"Why do you love me? Was it because I was there before everything? Was it because I was convenient at the time?"

"Shut up." he said forcefully, it was the first time he had raised his voice at you. It did make you jump a little, but you knew he would never get violent in any way. He's very passive. "Don't ever say you were just convenient. If I had to climb to the moon to reach you, I would do that, Galaxy. I've been surrounded by many people, many girls, many idols, I was never fazed by them. I never cared about them. But it's different with you. I wish for someone like you. You who don't treat me like a god, you who remove me from this pedestal I was forced to be on. You who will treat me like the liar and traitor I am. And I'll spend my life repaving that trust between us." He closed the space in between you two and lowered his head to meet your eyes. "I belong only to you. Every particle, every cell, every DNA, it's all yours."

He took something out of his pocket, a little pouch. Inside it was a necklace with a rectangular silver plate. "It has my initial on the front. And a soundwave on the back."

"What does it say?" you asked, your finger tracing the up and down lines, like a heartbeat on a monitor.

"You'll see one day. I mean, hear it." he chuckled.

"How do you know I will wear it?"

"I guess I don't. And that's the risk I'm willing to take." he answered. There was a hint of unsureness and unsteadiness in his voice. "May I?"

"Yes." He stepped behind you and you lifted your hair up for him. The pendant felt cool on your collarbone, it fit into place perfectly. He smiled sheepishly, staying far away and just staring at you. You bit your lips, your feet ready to move, and you held your hand out. He watched patiently and eyes grew when you pulled on his shirt. His body moved in your direction and he stopped breathing when you wrapped your arms around his waist. He held his arms high, unsure of what he should or can do. "Hug me back, pabo." you whispered. Being shorter than him allowed you to hear his heartbeat. It was rapid, out of control, chaotic, matching his mind right now which you couldn't see. The blood flow right away to his cheeks and he did just that, his arms around your back and he laid his forehead on your shoulder. As promised, he didn't let you go. It felt right, like a key of a lock. And once it opens, there's no going back.