Home (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 31

You found him by the staircase outside, hand gripping the railing. You reached out to touch his shoulder."Namjoon-"

He backed away and looked up directly at you."How long have you known?" The question came out weak, his voice cracked.

"A few weeks after you came back."

He nodded his head slowly and said nothing. Every millisecond of silence became more unbearable. "That was more than three months ago, Y/N." he said, obviously hurt and disappointed. "And we've been together for so much of that time, why didn't you tell me?" He got back up on his feet and stood in front of you. His eye searching for something, an anchor to pull you back to him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be important."

"Not important?" he yelled a bit. "Why would you think it wouldn't be important? You're going to be away from me, for 4 years! That's a fucken long time."

"That's the same amount of time you left me for." you pointed out. It wasn't your intention to bring this up, it just slipped off your tongue.

"Really? You're gonna bring this into it? These are completely separate things! I left to the city, you're leaving to another continent."

"You were chasing your dream, and now I'm chasing mine. It's not different." you argued. At this point, you were starting to get annoyed that he couldn't see your point. You wanted him to support you like you have been with everything that he does.

"It is different! In the end, I came back to you. But you'll be in another country, with so much more opportunities, you might want to fly away instead of coming home." He sighed. You bit the inside of your cheek. There was only one right thing to do right now, and it is to reassure him that everything would be okay. But of course that's not what you did, you were defensive.

"You're being selfish right now." you said.

"Excuse me?" he asked, turning around to show his disbelief. "I'm what?"

"Selfish." you repeated. "How do you think I felt when you left? I had no way of knowing that you would remember me much less come back here. Right now, it's different. At least you know I love you. I had no such promise when you left."

"Y/N-"

"Save it. It's obvious that you don't trust me. But then again, maybe I shouldn't trust you either. I mean we're a secret, your fans don't know I exist and even if they did, it won't stop them from wanting you to be with someone else. You have no plan Namjoon. I can't let that stop me from going after something I want and it shouldn't stop me, you shouldn't stop me." you emphasized.

"So you'll just leave me?"

"Namjoon, it's not like you're gonna physically go to college. Your contract said online schooling after this. And then you'll go on tours, you'll produce more songs, you'll go to award shows. That's the plan that had been set out for you. I have no part in it and I can't just sit around and wait for you to make room for me."

"What are you saying right now?" he asked.

"Nothing, I'm not saying anything right now." you answered.

"You said you were fine with this as long as we're together."

"And I know you didn't believe me, but you didn't do anything about it, and neither of us can. So we're stuck."

"I don't want you to think that being with me is restraining." Namjoon whispered.

"I don't think that at all. I love you, Kim Namjoon and I always do. But..." you looked away. He walked back and held your chin up.

"But what, love?"

"You don't belong to me. You belong to everyone who listens to your music."

"Yes, my music, my melodies, my music, my dancing, my rapping. But you know what does belong to just you? Not just my heart but my voice. I feel it the strongest when I'm with you. With you, I have a reason to speak. To speak myself and to love myself. That only happens to you. So yes, not every part of me belongs to you, but I think the most vital ones are yours already." Before you could say anything, he pulled down your scarf some more and kissed your lips. He had been waiting to do that all day. He tasted of honey from the tea he had earlier. He wrapped his arms around your waist and back, practically melting you into him.

"Are you mad at me?" you asked after pulling back. He smiled and shook his head.

"I'm not mad. I am really sad and I know it'll kill me when the day gets there. But we will be together, no matter what, and that thought will keep me going."

"I'll come back to you, Namjoon. I have to, I can't let you live in that apartment all by yourself, right?" His eyes widened.

"How did you know?"

"I heard you talking with Jungkook." you answered. He pouted and poked your nose.

"You ruined the surprise, I guess I'll look for a cottage in the woods now." The two of you laughed. "Are you mad at me?" he asked suddenly in a serious tone.

You were about to ask about that when you realized. There was a bitter smile on your face. "I said I was fine, and for the most part, I truly am. Being with you is enough. I didn't think before I speak, I didn't think about your feelings and what you're going through and how tough it must also have been for you. So I'm sorry."

"It's unfair for both of us, so let's not blame each other. Let's just be happy together. I promise I'll try to figure something out soon because I want to take my galaxy out on a date in public."

"Well I look forward to it." you grinned, kissing his cheek. "And for the record, you can talk to female artists, I won't mind."

"You won't get jealous?"

"I'm sure I will because I'm quite possessive, but I also trust you. At the end of the day, only I get to see your true smile."

"Of course, my love." He held your hand and together headed back to the auditorium.

"We'll be okay. I promise." you told him before reaching the door. "We'll get through anything together."

"I promise too." Once you got back to your seat, it was just in time for the school's performance. Jungkook cheered the loudest when he saw Tzuyu on stage in her long black dress. He was mesmerized the whole time by her posture and movement. And when she had her solo section, he almost cried. They'll be okay too, you thought, they'll have each other through thick and thin. And Namjoon will have you, through fire and ice.