Chapter 8 - Smiling Through It

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I've had an ice pack on my wrists now for almost an hour, that's 1 hour after I got out the shower and changed into pj's. Where on earth could he be?

When I called Jamie at 1am, he said that Ryan was on his way home. Did he get lost? I take the ice pack off and the marks are now turning blue - great now I'll have to live with long sleeved everything for a week. I was in the kitchen when I heard the front door open. "Alexia!" he shouts, he's angry. 

Fuck. Do I hide?

"I'm in here Ry" he follows my voice into the kitchen with steps of determination.

"What the fuck are you doing in the kitchen at three o'clock in the morning?"

"I was just.." I try to explain but stop when his face tells me he wasn't really looking for me to answer his questions. I quickly move passed him to make my way to our bedroom.

"Why do you keep walking away from me when I'm talking to you? Are you that thick? Don't you know how much I hate that by now?"

I'm halfway up the staircase and I find myself taking each step quicker than the last, practically running away from the voice that follows me. I'm about five steps to the top when he pulls my foot towards him. I lose my balance immediately from the previous momentum and collapse tumbling down a few stairs.

I'm dead still as he approaches, my head laying on the stair I was about to climb, my arms and elbows are burning from the friction of the carpet and my knees are killing me from the force it hit, what felt to be the corner edge of another stair, but I don't make a sound. 

He's standing above me staring, I can feel it.

"Geez you like to take things to the dramatics, I was just messing with you, this is ridiculous." he's laughing. 

I find the courage to get up from the floor. "Oh my God! She's fucking crying!" he's playing up his responses making huge hand gestures like he performing for an audience and I can see it's building up to something.

"It was a fucking joke!" he steps down a stair, getting closer.

"Can't you take a joke anymore!?" Closer.

"I'm so tired of dealing with a child when I get home", shove..

"You embarrassed me tonight Alexia", I close my eyes trying to escape this moment as I feel another shove. I'm on the landing between the two floors. I feel his body heat against my chest as I'm pushed into the wall.

He was talking but I couldn't hear any words when his hand gripped my neck. I felt lifeless like I was on autopilot ".. You're just a little slut aren't you? Walking around, acting like your tits are on sale. Nobody wants to see that, did you see the way the guys were looking at you tonight? You made Nico give you his jacket! How selfish can you be?" His hand around my throat squeezing tighter, I take a big breath.

"Ryan. Ryan you're hurting me.. " My voice is strained and doesn't sound like my own I've got my hands wrapped around the one he has around my neck fighting to pry it off.

"I can't believe you did that to me in front of your brother, you're lucky.. " his voice faded to the back of my mind when the other hand, shaped into a fist, made contact with my collarbone. He squeezed my throat to muffle the sound of my scream and that's where I blackout.

I spent most of Sunday cleaning the house and cooking lunch. I had three missed calls from my brother, two from Jen and one unopened message from Daniel. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I'm ashamed of myself and embarrassed.

How could I have fucked up so badly? Ryan won't even look at me, he's been drinking outside since I got up. He must have brought me to bed at some point after our fight, I don't remember anything that happened after that last blow. My neck had started to turn a pale shade of purple and my collarbone was bruised so bad I could barely roll my shoulder.

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