why don't we imagines

I want to die/d.s

'I want to die'

I think everyday. It hurts too much too say out loud but it's also eating me alive not saying something.
I want to tell my best friend Daniel but he already has his own problems to deal with and then to worry about my life; that's too much.
No adult will understand how I'm feeling, they'll just look at me in disappointment and pity, I can't stand that look.

I don't know what to do. I want to give up, I want to loose this fight but then Daniel comes to my mind. All are memories, him coming to me with his girl problems, his smile and then I realize I can't free myself from my own pain just to add more onto Daniel.

But I'm lost.
I can't take this pain anymore
I need to leave
I'm done.

I call Daniel

Hey....
Hey y/n!!! What's up

He sounded busy. I probably shouldn't bother him

Y-you sound busy. I'll go
No it's fine. What's up?
I-I just um....wanted to tell you... um. I miss you!
Hahah. I miss you too but we literally hung out two days ago!
Yeah. Anyways just wanted to tell you that! Byeeee
Alright! Hahah bye I love you!
Love you

I couldn't do it. It would've broke him.

My heart ached when he said I love you, I could tell he was smiling big, I couldn't bring myself to ruin that.

I look at my arms to see all my scars and some open wounds. I then plop back down on my bed and look up at the ceiling, staring at it in complete silence. I just wish there was a way to die without anyone else being upset about it but at this point I don't even care anymore.

Ding

The noise echoes throughout my room and I couldn't take it. I broke out crying , everything felt numb but the pain will always be there and it hurts so badly. It eats you up inside and it will never stop.

I open my phone still in tears, trying to get my mind distracted at least just for a while.

Daniel🌻
Can I come over?

Y/n😋
Not now.

Daniel🌻
Y not?

Y/n😋
Tmr

Daniel🌻
Y not today?

Y/n😋
Something came up

Daniel🌻
I don't care I'm coming over.

I sigh. Shit.
I rush over to the bathroom, cleaning up my face and putting makeup on to hide the fact that I was crying and to make me prettier. I then change into a sweatshirt and put joggers on. And then put my hair into a messy bun, I put some white socks on and slide my slides on.

I hear the doorbell go off and I see all my weapons laid out. FUCK. Then I hear the doorknob jiggle, shit forgot he had a key.

I start to panic and then I throw everything where they belong and right as I put the gun in a secret door in my drawer Daniel walks into my room. I immediately close it and look up at him

D-Whatcha doin....

He says awkwardly as if he just walked in on me hiding a body.

Y-Just putting some old stuff away.
D-Oh...so what came up?
Y-what? Oh! Um it got canceled the last minute so I was just gonna wait til you get here maybe clean my room up a little.
D-Oh. Interesting

He says walking around getting suspicious

Y-um anyways. Why did you come here?
D-You said you missed me! Here I am.

I chuckle and fake a smile as he smiles a great smile.

Y-Oh um, sit down on the bed

I say getting up as we both sit on the bed.

D-What are you hiding from me?
Y-sorry?
D-Tell me. There's something up. You didn't rush downstairs to jump on me, hell you can't even look me in the eyes! What. Are. You. Hiding. From. Me?
Y-Noting. There's just been a lot on my mind.
D-Like what?
Y-its not important.
D-If it's not so important, why are you being so distant?
Y-Daniel....
D-y/n! Tell me!

I take a deep breath

Y-iwannadie

I mumble as he scrunches his face trying to hear what I just said

D-Say it clearer

I look down and twiddle with my fingers

Y-I want to die

I say quietly but loud enough for him to hear. I didn't have to guts to look at his reaction. After a while of him gathering himself he scoots in front of me and takes my hand into his causing me to look up.

I couldn't look at him, his face was broken, his eyes didn't show any sign of happiness but they were glossy and a tear escaped one of his eyes. Then the next thing I know he grabbed me and pulled me in, crying into my shoulder I held onto him right.

D-I love you

He whispers to me as we pull apart.

D-You can't leave me

He whispers, his voice cracking at the thought of death. He looks away and shuts his eyes tight causing tears to fall. I look down and let some tears fall.

D-Why didn't you tell me?

He speaks quietly, the hurt in his voice breaks me as he sniffles.

Y-I didn't...want to add onto your problems....
D-Those problems don't matter! They come and go, but you can't come and go, when you go....you go and you never return.

I wipe some tears that formed and fell. We sat in silence, my head still down, ashamed. The next thing I know is that we're both laying down and I'm snuggling up to him.

D-I'm staying here. I'll always be right here. Okay?

I nod my head as we just sat there throughout the night. I know this was terrible but I still wanted to die. Nothing changed, wasn't something supposed to change?

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Word count- 1018

Based off of my emotion? Hopefully it isn't bad.