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I need to heal myself before I can be with anyone else.
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KAYLEIGH ELLIOTT
Two months later
The last few months have been absolute hell to say the least. I struggled a lot, with work, with classes, with myself, with my mental state.
The last two months had put a lot into perspective for me. I finally started therapy and found the courage to open up to someone about my feelings and emotions.
It all started because Evie was worried about me. After Kayden came round I barely went to class, I struggled to do any work or submit anything on time. I was going downhill at a rapid rate.
Everything was a mess, I didn't even know what I was doing anymore. Then Evie asked the college welfare team to start checking up on me, which at first I was angry about. But now I realise how grateful I am to have a friend who cares about me, no matter how difficult I was being.
The welfare team asked if I wanted to have regular counselling sessions in which I reluctantly took. At first I hated it, I hated talking about how I felt and why I felt like that. I only just ended up hating myself more. But after a few sessions I came to my senses and saw life in a different way. It opened my eyes.
It made me realise that I was damaged and I was severely insecure. It made me realise that I jumped into my relationship with Kayden way too quickly, I hadn't had time to heal from what happened with Josh. I didn't give myself time to love myself and forgive myself.
I was dragging so much of my baggage into my relationship with Kayden, ruining something that could have been perfect. I put Kayden through hell because I wasn't healed. I wasn't stable. I was still sad. And that makes me so angry.
It also made me realise that Kayden was one in a million, he was everything I have ever wanted and more. He text me almost every day since he visited me and it broke my heart. It broke my heart that he was hurting and I hated myself for it.
When I think back to when Kayden and I broke up, I know that I was harsh and I know that I was unfair on him. If I learnt anything about Kayden it's that he was always honest. When he said that nothing happened with Harley and that he didn't want her, I wanted to believe him. But my insecurities and my overthinking made me worry that something was going on.
I don't want to make excuses for my actions but instead of fighting, I fled. I was scared of getting hurt again. Hating the way my brain thinks sometimes.
Kayden is the right person, but at the wrong time. I needed to work on myself and my own mental state before I could focus on putting my all into someone else. I owed myself that at least. Kayden deserved everything and I couldn't give him that.
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Somehow I ended up at a party. I didn't want to come but Evie said it would be a good idea for me to get out and let my hair down for once.
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Not The Beta's Mate | ✔
Werewolf"Let me take you out on one date," he speaks, his lips dangerously close to mine. "And then I can fuck you senseless after." I swallow harshly looking up into his dark playful eyes. I was honestly screwed. ...
