In Bocca Al Lupo

2- Check yourself before you Shrek yourself

Waking up because something was touching my leg, I sat up slowly. Looking around, I blinked slowly and ignored the painful headache I had. Wondering what touched my leg, I stood up and looked around, then realized I was in an alleyway. Stepping out, I looked around and heard the sound of water gushing around me.

Not recognizing this place, I pinched my arm to see if I was dreaming. When nothing happened, I closed my eyes and rubbed them slowly. Opening my eyes, I felt the pain in my head increase at the bright light. Spotting an old man with a cane, I walked towards him and asked, "Hey, where am I?"

The old man looked at me blankly, then said something in Italian, immediately making me panic slightly. It took a moment for me to translate, but when it did hit me, I stood there for a moment before repeating my question to get an answer.

"Eh? Naples, Italy? What's wrong with you, huh?" The old man stood there for a second longer, until I asked yet another question, accepting that I would have to speak Italian and silently thanking the skies that my mother was from Italy.

"What year is it?" I asked, trying my damndest to not seem crazy.

"2001. Is this some circus act? You clown." The old man outright destroyed me before walking off leaving me standing there in a stunned silence. After a moment, I checked myself over. Finding that I had everything, including my backpack, I took a deep breath and bit my tongue, not wanting to scream or something.

Ah well. This is just some fever dream for sure.

Walking straight into a light pole, I remembered that pain hurts and realized that it wasn't a dream. Still not wanting to scream, I did a weird impromptu dance to distract myself before strutting down the street, passing by some restaurant called 'Acardi's'. Hearing an angry shout from a distant alleyway, I became interested whatever was going on and followed the noise, sliding along the wall to listen in.

Whoever was angry had a reason to be, for sure. Seemed to me like something illegal had been going down, and one guy wasn't informed the other party would have a second guy. Worse off, seemed like the single guy was on the verge of getting his ass kicked or something. After a moment of thought, I realized that it was 2001 and that life wasn't worth living if Shek 2 wasn't out.

Stepping into the alleyway smoothly, I took a deep breath and steadied the rapid beating of my heart, knowing that I could count on myself and my Stand if things went south. Counting the guys in here, I noticed that the single guy was wearing the most ridiculous outfit I'd ever seen, and frankly, I began to regret trying to help this guy out. With an outfit like that, and that dumb looking hat, maybe he deserved to get his ass flipped to the grass.

"One, two, three, four," I counted off on my fingers, pointing at one of the two guys and winking at him, "Your mother's a giant whore."

Immediately, the three's eyes were all fixed on me. Sliding my arm around the hat guy's shoulders, I looked at him and grinned, "Sup?"

Before he could reply, I looked at the two other guys and cocked an eyebrow.

"You too, eh? Goddamn. Four of us hit it off so well we might as well double date or something. You guys wanna catch a movie later?" I stuck my hands into my pockets, prepared to throw down if I had to.

The two guys weren't amused by my words, but the hat guy seemed interested enough.

"Beat it," one of the two said, flicking his coat up enough for me to see the gun stuck in his waistband.

Whistling at the sight of it, I felt my grin widen slightly as I asked, "You know how to use that thing? Fuckin' nice, dude. So, if I give you, say, like 5 extra, can I have it? I need another one to complete my museum."