No One But You

52. Baby

Madison

I don't know whether to scream or cry. I just sit with the phone in my hand, refusing to believe the fact that Roger just hung up on me. I suppose it wasn't the most ideal time or thing to tell him but that doesn't give him the right to just cut me off. 

With a shaky breath, I put the phone back on it's stand. Do I call back? I have the hotel's number on the contact list Brian gave me but do I really want to talk to Rog right now? Yes and no. I think I'm just too hurt to act on anything at the moment. 

As I sit here and debate calling back, it's as if my prayers are answered when the phone rings. I pick it up quicker than intended, eager to hear who it is. 

"Hello?" I answer, my voice wavering. 

"Maddie? What the hell did you tell Rog?" Brian asks me. 

Oh good, now the whole band is going to get involved. 

I sigh and lean back in my chair. "Is he mad? Because I really can't do this right now, Brian..." I say. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I do the best I can to choke them down but my emotions are everywhere right now. 

"I don't know," Brian tells me honestly. "He won't tell us. Deaky's trying to reason with him because he trying to fly back to see you. You didn't break up with him did you?" he adds the last part quietly. 

I feel relief wash over me. Roger isn't mad at me. At least I don't think he is anyways. He just wants to come home to see me, probably to talk about everything. 

"No, I didn't break up with him," I tell Brian with a half-hearted laugh. "I - uh," I feel a slight sweat going on, praying I didn't ruin things for the band. It wasn't right for me to keep the information to myself though. No time was ideal so I just had to rip the bandage off. "I'm pregnant, Brian. I told him I was pregnant and he hung up on me," 

The line goes silent. I'm nervous Brian's going to hang up too but I vaguely hear him breathing on the other line, as well as Deaky and Rog arguing in the background. 

I lose the fight against my crying. Hot tears stream down my face. I can't even concentrate on what specifically is making me sad. Roger hanging up; the fear of causing tension in the band; everyone getting mad at me for something I can't control. Everything just keeps piling up and I can't deal with it right now. 

"I'm sorry," I say into the phone, my voice sounding distorted. "I shouldn't have said anything. At least not now anyways. I just couldn't keep it t myself because it wasn't fair to Rog and I-"

"Maddie, that's wonderful news," Brian cuts me off. His voice is soft and I can practically hear the smile on his face. "I was just quiet because I can tell you're sad but there's no reason to be! Roger just wanted to come home to see you because he wants to be there with you. It's killing him to be this far away from you and especially now. But you know he can't just leave...it would be a disaster to reschedule to concerts,"

I laugh slightly, my vision blurred from my tears. I wipe my eyes on the back of my sleeve. 

"I get it. I wasn't expecting him to come home but I needed to tell him, you know?" I say. 

"I get it, Maddie. Trust me. The only time you really get to talk to us is at night after our concerts so this was the perfect time to do so, don't be upset over that," Brian tells me. He's such a wonderful person, I almost can't handle it. "I'm going to go get Roger and put him on the phone. I think Deaky calmed him down enough, okay?" 

"Okay," I say softly. "Thank you, Brian," 

"Of course! We're all here for you and we're thrilled for you and Rog. I know if Freddie were here he'd be all over it," Brian laughs. 

I hear shuffling in the background, signaling Brian is passing the phone to Roger. I twirl my phone cord in my fingers, my nerves settling in once again. 

"Hey," I hear Roger's voice on the other line. It pains me to hear him, knowing he's thousands of miles away. I wish he was next to me right now so we could talk about this like normal people. 

"Hey," I reply, not wanting to make the first move. I wouldn't know where to start. 

Roger sighs. "I'm sorry I hung up. I was in a panic to get to you," he laughs. "I'm just - I'm so happy, Maddie. You have no idea and I just wish we could be together. You shouldn't be alone right now," 

My eyes fill with tears again. I hope this isn't the new normal because I do not like crying. 

"I'm okay, Roger. Really, I am. I have the girls and Veronica and I can lean on each other with our duel pregnancies," I tell him. 

"I guess it was a little ambitious of me that I thought I could just up and leave," Roger admits. 

I smile. Of course it was. Roger's the type to act before he thinks. It's always been a flaw of his. 

"It's the thought that counts," I tell him. 

Roger laughs. "I can't believe it. I'm going to be a dad. And you're going to be a mum. That's so exciting! We're having a baby," 

I nod even though he can't see me. 

"We're having a baby," I repeat. The words sound foreign on my tongue but I think I like it. 

"If it's a boy can we name him Roger Junior?" 

I roll my eyes so hard they feel like they're going to fall out of my head.

"Really?" I ask him. 

"It's a perfect name,"

"We'll talk about it..."

Roger and I talk seemingly for hours about baby names and about just everything pregnancy related. It's nice to have a normal conversation with him. His happiness seeps thought he phone spreading to myself. I love when Roger is in a good mood and I'm glad that my pregnancy has put him in one. I was panicked he was going to leave me or that he was disappointed. 

By the time we hang up, I feel more alone that I have in a long time. I've been getting used to Roger not being here but I still have another five months to go. I don't know how I'm going to do it especially with a baby on the way. 

...

I'm seeing Queen tomorrow (and Wednesday) and I am so excited :) I saw them a couple years ago and they were amazing. I'll probably go into another major Queen hype for a couple months lol