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Chapter 20 - John, Alex and Jefferson

Wednesday 12th September

John pov

I cried into Herc's shoulder and he rubbed my back.

"Shhhh. I know I know"

He lifted me up like a baby and took me to Angie's car. Herc and Laf sat next to me in the back and Eliza sat in the driver's seat.

The others had gone to find Alex. Apparently he had run off in tears after he kissed Jefferson, but I doubted he was very sorry.

Eliza poked her head around the drivers seat. "You wanna get ice cream, hun?"

"Yeah" I sniffed.

Eliza started the car and I cried into Herc's shoulder.

"Wait why is John crying?" Laf queried

"U-um...John's boyfriend cheated on him..."

Laf gasped in French "I will kill that petit salaud"

I sobbed "N-no don't hurt him"

"Why? He broke your heart, he deserves to die"

"Woah! Laf calm down" Herc tried to reason with him "A-he was just being dumb"

"Hold up...I didn't even know John had a boyfriend!" Laf complained.

"Oh well he's dating-" Eliza began.

"No one!!" Herc and I screeched, giving Eliza a look. She got the message.

"What? Why don't you want me to know?" Laf cried

"It's complicated-" Herc began

"Well, you can tell me! I'm John's mom! I should know!!"

"You're not my mom" I sniffed from Herc's shoulder "Herc is"

"WHAT?! FIRST I DON'T GET TO KNOW AND NOW I'M NOT YOUR MOM!!???" Laf screamed.

"I'M HIS MOM SO DEAL WITH IT!! AND IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO TELL YOU HE WONT TELL YOU!!" Herc yelled back.

"HEY! No yelling in my car!!" Eliza snapped.

"It's not your car" I tried to say but was ignored.

"WHY CAN'T I KNOW?!" Laf screamed again

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO TELL YOU!!! DEAL WITH IT!!"

"I WILL TURN THIS CAR RIGHT AROUND IF YOU TWO DON'T STOP YELLING!"

"I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!"

"NO!!!"

"NO ONE WILL GET ICE CREAM IF YOU KEEP THIS UP!!"

"DON'T YOU LOVE ME??!!!"

"I DO BUT MY SON DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!!"

It was all too much for me. Everyone was screaming and yelling. It was just like our old family ski trips back home.

We would be at the top of a mountain in the freezing cold weather of January. Mary would be crying because it was too cold for her (she was almost two at the time). Henry jr would be sneezing and complaining about his allergy to pine trees. Martha would be yelling at Dad for insisting that we bring the whole family. Dad would be screaming at everyone for being so miserable when he was the one who paid for the trip. Mom would be trying to get Mary to be quiet at the same time as handing Henry jr allergy tablets at the same time as telling Martha to shut up at the same time as calming down Dad. I would just sit silently and watch my family crumble to pieces. 

When Mom died, Dad got worse. He got annoyed way more easily and he relied heavily on his community to keep him from despair. That's why he became more homophobic, racist and sexist. We lived in a town where everyone was perfect and nothing bad ever happened. We were the one imperfection. So when Mom died, he made us perfect. He tries to straighten us out (literally) and we were forced to fit in. He was so obsessed with perfection that when Henry jr got sick, he hid his own son away from the world.  'We don't talk about Henry' is what he'd say. It was like Henry was never there.