Raise a glass

Chapter 35 - Mistakes

Wednesday 22nd September

John pov

Even in class, I still couldn't get over last night. It was so magical and beautiful. Alex and I finished off the evening by falling asleep in each other's arms. I was busily daydreaming in marine biology when something hit the back of my head. 

I turned around to see a paper ball tangled in the end of my ponytail. I glared at the people behind me and took it out of my hair. I spread out the crumpled note on my desk.

You dreaming about me, dweeb?

I turned around to see Liam smirking at me from where he was sitting a few rows back. I rolled my eyes and turned back around, shoving the note in my pocket. Another note hit my head.

Maybe you were dreaming about becoming a marine biologist. Well, let me give you some advice; give up on your dreams. You're pathetic and you'll never amount to anything.

The last sentence stung my eyes as I read it. My father used to say things like that to me all the time. I angrily wiped my eyes and shoved the note into my pocket, turning around to try and hear what the teacher was saying. Another note hit my head.

I saw your boyfriend flirting with one of the girls in the café this morning. He doesn't love you. He never will. He'll just break your heart so forget about having a happy future. You don't deserve to be happy. You may as well just die.

My eyes watered slightly but I told myself not to be pathetic. That was what Liam wanted.

I would offer to be your boyfriend, but I don't think I've worked hard enough in life to waste my time with a slut like you.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, ripping up the note and throwing it to the floor. Another note hit my back.

You're nothing but a filthy whore. You'd be better off dead that infecting the planet with your presence.

Tears started streaming down my face. I wiped them away, but more kept coming. Just like the notes.

Worthless.

Loser.

Ugly.

Disgusting.

Gross.

Fat.

Weak.

PATHETIC.

My teacher looked over at me. "Oh, John. What's wrong?"

I grabbed my bag and sprinted out of the room, sobbing into my hands. I wanted Alex, but at the same time I didn't. He deserved better than a ugly, fat loser like me. I ran around the back of the building and collapsed on the floor. I sobbed into my hands and scratched at my wrists in frustration.

Suddenly my hand scraped across my wrist so hand that a drop of blood fell from the edge. I gasped and tried to cover it up. I had promised Alex I'd never do anything like this again.

I found a band aid in my bag and placed it across my wrist. I was too scared to go down that path. I didn't want to die. I feared death so much because it made me think of losing Alex. I could never want to die because I loved him so so much.

He accepted and appreciated and loved me. I wiped my eyes and tried to brush off Liam's messages, but they were stuck in my head. I got up slowly and walked back over to the courtyard. Classes would be ending now.

As I turned the corner to the Science department, a hand clamped down on my shoulder and pushed me behind the building.

"Oh, hey there, dweeb" Liam sneered "Did wickle Johnnie cry?"