The Things I'd Rather Forget // Countryhumans AU

Ch 11: Lashing Out // The Attempts at Finding Answers

America opened his eyes. It was Tuesday. He turned his head to look at the clock. It was 10:12 am. The meeting started twelve minutes ago. Even so, America found he didn't care as much as yesterday. The voice's words still echoed in his head, criticizing him and calling him useless. He was too tired and heartbroken to fight back, so he just listened to it. Time dragged on, and at some point, America closed his eyes. When his eyes were closed for too long, the traumatizing sight of his brother dying from the dream started to show up. America decided he won't do that again.

Eventually, he got ready for the meeting he was already an hour late for, not caring about the meeting but going to it to pull off the act that he was ok. He decided to walk instead of drive to the meeting to think.

And, to regret.

--x--

America barged open the door, causing everyone's heads to quickly turn to him. Well, except for an angry UN. UN knew, through a check of attendance, that it was America at the door. "Well," UN said, sighing in exasperation, "Why are you almost two hours late, America?"

America put on a cocky expression, "Well you can't blame me if it took me forty minutes to get here."

UN sighed, "The drive is only twelve minutes, America-"

"But the walk is forty." America interrupted, which no doubt would've frustrated UN if America hadn't said that he walked to the meeting.

UN looked surprised and finally started looking at America, "Walk?"

"Yep. Walk."

"Why did you walk here?" UN asked, still confused.

"I needed to clear my head," America replied.

UN sighed heavily, "America, don't walk here when you're already an hour late, we have cars for a reason. I'm going to move on for the sake of the meeting. But, I'd like to talk to you afterwards."

America put on a fake smirk while walking to his seat and joked, "Got it, teach."

UN sighed and continued to talk about various issues the countries of the world needed to address. This time, America didn't fall asleep, but he still wasn't paying attention. All he could think about was the states and... Canada. There were several times during the meeting where America glanced to the seat right of his, Canada's seat, just to make sure Canada was there, alive. America knew deep down that the dream wasn't real; but, it had really shaken him, especially because he never had that pain of losing actual family before. It was, honestly, more than what he could bare.

After a few hours of spacing out, the meeting ended and America dragged himself over to where UN stood, looking over some papers. "So, what's up?" America asked in the calmest voice he could muster.

UN stopped what he was doing and looked straight at America. Oh, this was serious.

And America was terrified.

UN started speaking, "So, America, I know that something's going on with you. Though most are overlooking this, I know you at least have the decency to stay awake and pay attention to meetings- even though you are occasionally late. I notice these things. You care, well, cared about these meetings. What's the problem? What's so big that it's distracting you from my meetings?"

America's heart dropped in his chest. Oh no no no no no, he did not want to deal with this question today. He planned to go home and possibly cry for a few hours, not bother others with his sob story and his problems. America tried his best to plaster on the most genuine smile he has ever made, "Nothing much. Just some bothering protests, that's all."