The Things I'd Rather Forget // Countryhumans AU

Ch 21: ... Maybe Love Isn't So Bad After All \ / The Budding Feelings

Russia sat in his office in Moscow, sipping from a glass of vodka. Russia was filling out papers right now, or at least he was trying to. Normally he would be diligent and focused when it came to work, but for the past week he's been an utter and complete mess.

To clarify, it's only been about a week since Russia left New York. Ever since then, Russia couldn't stop his mind from wandering, but Russia hated where it always ended up. His train of thought always went the same way, and Russia was seriously hoping that this wasn't some sort of sign.

But even as Russia sat down trying to focus on his work, his mind started wandering again. His mind flew to the meeting, how he and America made up, how Ukraine was being stupid and suggesting they were a couple-

Speaking of which, a more recent memory flew to his brain when he thought of Ukraine. It was when Russia dropped Ukraine off in Kyiv after the meeting in New York.

~~-~~

Russia stepped off the plane with his brother, Ukraine. He would say goodbye to his brother, and then drop Belarus off before going to Moscow himself. Belarus would normally be with them to help send off Ukraine, but she was sleeping and Russia didn't want to wake her up.

Ukraine smugly walked off the plane, turning around and giving Russia a shit-eating grin. Russia immediately felt suspicious. If Ukraine looked this proud, then that means that Ukraine thinks he has something on Russia.

Russia's mind flew to any dirt Ukraine might have on him because, knowing his brother, Ukraine would shove it into Russia's face later in the form of some stupid comeback, usually during meetings for optimal embarrassment.

God, Russia hated Ukraine. They were brothers and they cared for each other, sure, but sometimes Ukraine can be a little shit.

Scrap that, Ukraine is always a piece of shit.

But that's besides the point! Russia cares for his brother and for his entire family way too much. He would never abandon them, especially not for something as silly as Ukraine's comebacks. Even so, Russia's pretty sure Ukraine doesn't feel the same. Russia isn't an idiot. Russia noticed that Ukraine really wants to leave their family. He wants to be his own boss and forget the past like the Baltics already have. He wants more freedom and more opportunity than what his family could ever give him. As Russia tried to keep his facial expression neutral while looking at his brother, Russia realized that this might be the very last time he brought Ukraine to Kyiv after a meeting. That realization hurt more than Russia expected it would.

But that's in the future. For now, Russia had to wait for Ukraine to spill his tea. Or to just stop being a little shit. Scrap that, the latter is impossible.

After a few more moments of Ukraine's smugness, Ukraine asked, "So, what's your opinion on America?"

Russia felt a familiar burning sensation creep onto his cheeks but he quickly pushed it down. Russia cleared his throat and smirked, "He's a good comrade, less- how do I phrase this-" Russia twirled his hand around in mock thought, "- less like your arrogant ass."

Ukraine paused for a moment, clearly not expecting that, then burst out laughing, "I'll admit, you got me there." Now it was Russia who had the smug smile. Ukraine looked at his brother and his gaze softened, a small, genuine smile creeping onto his face, "At first, I just thought that Japan had influenced me too much but... I've seen the way you look at the American and how you react when I make comments about you guys." Ukraine tilted his head a little, "You really do like him, don't you?"

Russia stared at Ukraine and felt the burning sensation build up on his cheeks, before forcibly dead-panning, "нет." (No.)

Ukraine laughed, "I had forgotten how good you were at faking expressions!" Ukraine put his hands up in the air jokingly, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your crush~" Ukraine wiggled his eyebrows in a playful manner, earning a sharp glare from Russia. Ukraine simply laughed in response, turning around fancifully and walking away while waving. After a few moments, Ukraine paused to glance back at his brother with a smile, "Just.." He started, "Just give this a chance, okay? Give him a chance... Give yourself a chance. I have a feeling that if you wait on this one, you may regret it in the future... But that's just a feeling I have."

Russia let his gaze soften as his brother turned around once again, heading towards an entourage of Ukrainian guards. Russia looked at his hands and milled over the thought in his head, before pushing it aside, ignoring the burning sensation in his face.

His father would never approve.

He couldn't like America, he just couldn't.

~~-~~

Russia felt the burning sensation on his cheek again. Recently he discovered he was probably blushing, which deteriorated his pride even further that he had blushed around his brother when talking about America multiple times.

Even though that memory was located a little over a week in the past, Russia found that he still agreed with his past self. He couldn't like America, no matter how much his own body betrayed him. America was loud, way too confident, a smartass, couldn't keep his shit together, emotionally erratic, not to mention he keeps secrets for no reason whatsoever.

But as Russia listed all the things he didn't like about America, he found that another side of his brain contradicted with his main line of thoughts.

America is childish. He's adorable when he is.

America is stubborn. But always for what he believes is right, he's a good guy.

America is a lazy ass. Not always. Plus, that's only in the mornings when he looks cute all messy in pajamas.

America's overly cheerful. Always manages to make every day happy, make me happy.

America's a lightweight. Hey, that's not a bad trait to have. Shut upppp.

First, Russia couldn't escape Ukraine pointing this stupid stuff out for him, and now his own brain is deceiving him!

"You really like him, don't you?" Ukraine's words suddenly popped into Russia's head, and he found himself blushing like crazy even though he shouldn't be.

And even though Russia hated to admit it, Russia thought he finally found the answer to that question. Every imperfection America had, Russia loved. He just loved America, the good and the bad. He loved America's smile, and how consistently happy he was. He loved how he was stubborn and commonly fought with people, but he was only like that when he believed that what he was doing was right. He loved how, no matter what, America tried his best to stay himself.

As Russia's blush practically cooked Russia's face, Russia finally found it in his heart to say, "Дерьмо, I love him." (Crap)

After finally admitting that fact to himself, Russia felt himself smile and felt a giddy happiness overwhelming him. Maybe love- as well as America- isn't that bad after all.

But as Russia sat there, he felt worry fill his heart. America tried his best to stay himself. Russia isn't ignorant. How could he be, when it came to the man his heart chose to love? Something was bothering America, something that was slowly but surely wiping the amazingly beautiful smile that shone off of his candy cane face.

Russia didn't know what was happening really, but Russia feared that when the UN meeting started up again in three weeks, America wouldn't be the same.

That Russia might lose the America he loves with all his heart before Russia could even admit that he has feelings for the dork.

'Please, universe, don't let him leave me.'

~~~~

Hello! I am back and, as promised, I have a surprise for you all!

I just published a new rusame story on Wattpad, and two chapters are currently up on it! It's called "An Irregular Heartbeat" and it should be a lot faster in pace story-wise.

That's all! Have a great day!

-Selva