The Things I'd Rather Forget // Countryhumans AU

Ch 12: A Changed American // The New Friendship

America flinched when the door slammed. The harsh sound followed by utter silence gave America a bad feeling and he didn't like it.

Stressed, America went into the bathroom to check on his cracks. Their growth seems to have slowed down, probably because of the state's efforts to fight back against this mysterious figure that America apparently will never know the name of. America's eyes, however, had already gone completely black, a sign of his instability. America noted how lucky he was that he already wore glasses practically every day.

America sighed and looked at himself in the mirror.

"Useless."

"Disgusting."

"Weak."

The voice repeated, over and over again, it won't stop, it won't ever stop-

America felt a jumble of feelings overwhelm him: Fear, guilt, sadness, anger, and... happiness? Where was this happiness coming from? America closed his eyes and tried to tune in on that distant scrap of happiness. America felt a familiar presence.

Rhode Island.

America couldn't stop the tears from flowing out of his eyes. He knew Rhode Island wouldn't be happy for much longer. He let the voice reach her. He gave the voice access to her mind. He doomed Rhode Island, his daughter.

'I'm such a terrible father,' America thought, hopefully to himself. He led Rhode Island to her doom all because he wasn't careful.

All because he was useless in trying to help her.

America felt the voice creep into his mind, whispering such awful things in the American's ear. For once, what the voice was saying felt so right. America could only watch his tears fall to the floor and hear the voice whispering in his ear.

Suddenly, what Russia said popped in America's mind: "... When you're ready to talk to me about your problems without pushing me away or lashing out, come find me."

America heard that message repeating in his mind. He wasn't ready to talk about his problems. Bringing up World War II previously had been a mistake. He didn't want to drag Russia, a guy he barely knows, into his problems. The voice is right. He's worthless, so why bother. It won't matter anyway. Even so, America knew one thing: He's ready to say sorry.

With that goal in mind, America quickly washed his face, hid his eyes with his glasses, made sure he had his gloves on, grabbed his room key, and exited the room, ready to venture outside. America walked over to Russia's hotel room and braced himself for the possibly bitter social exchange ahead. America took in a shaky breath and nervously knocked on the door.

The few moments of silence after that was terrifying, but America soon heard rustling and a few muffled bad words in Russian. It took a few seconds, but the door opened. Russia was the one who answered. He looked down at the shorter America in front of him, sighed, and closed the door.

Or, well, would've closed the door. Unfortunately for Russia, America's hand got in the way.

"Please, I understand if you're mad at me right now but I..." America trailed off nervously. Russia grumbled a bit and opened the door wider. America continued with what he was saying, pretending that he was confident, "I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I shouldn't have said what I said. I know your father's a sensitive subject for you, and I'm sorry. I pushed buttons that should never be pushed. I was stressed and worried, and I lashed out when you were only worried about me."

Russia's eyes widened. America was apologizing so soon? What the heck is up with him? Normally, America is frustratingly stubborn when it comes to things like this- he would never apologize over an argument with Russia. period. And now he's just... not stubborn. It's actually kind of a refreshing change.