The Things I'd Rather Forget // Countryhumans AU

Ch 17: "We" \ / The Struggle at Home

A small warning before we start this chapter:

This chapter will contain very heavy topics about self-harm. If you are sensitive to this type of content, please skip this chapter.

Thank you, and have a nice day!

-Selva

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America finally saw his home. After what felt like forever, America was finally home. America didn't realize how much he missed DC until, well, now.

America got out of the car he was in, thanked the driver, paid him, and stumbled into his home. America dramatically fell onto his couch with a groan. Oh, he had missed his home. His couch, his TV that he never used, everything! America felt as though he had gone off to war and was finally seeing his home again after a long, grueling battle. In a way, that was true.

Even though CPR hadn't spoken in a while, America could tell that the disembodied voice had left a mark on him, whether he liked it or not.

America didn't want to think about it- the very thought sent an eerie shiver up his spine. That was to be expected, though. America didn't like the fact that he had changed after being the same for so long. He did try to use his personality as a way of forgetting-

No! Don't think about it, don't think about it!

Diverting his mind from these thoughts that were very quickly going in a bad direction, America looked through his phone to see if he had missed anything while on the airplane. America saw a few texts from his family and, with a small smile, answered all of them.

Just as joy was starting to creep up on America, America shot upwards in his seat. His whole body tensed up. He didn't know what was going on, but America felt as though something awful was going to happen. More than a little freaked out and scared, America stood up, accidentally knocking a glass vase off of a nearby end table. America cursed to himself and, trying to calm himself down, backed into a corner of the living room and sat down there.

What was going on?

"You know exactly what's going on, America."

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck- not him, not him. America screwed his eyes shut and hoped with all his heart he was just hallucinating from lack of sleep.

"I'm no hallucination, idiot. Who knew that the strongest country in the world would be terrified of a voice inside of his head?" CPR commented mockingly with a laugh.

"You're more than just a voice." America quickly responded, making sure he didn't stutter.

"Hm, maybe," CPR agreed. "But I wish I was more than whatever I am right now. And, you're going to do as I say so that I can become more than this."

"No," America said monotonously.

America could almost sense CPR's confusion. Then, America heard laughter. CPR was laughing... at America. "Pfft, you-" Another laugh. "you think you deserve a choice in this?"

America could feel his throat closing up. America wanted to speak- something deep inside of him wanted to yell and scream at CPR- but it felt like hands were closing around America's throat, preventing him from speaking.

"You don't deserve a choice. How many times have you been trusted with something and you failed? How many times have you killed with your own hands? Tell me, America, do you seriously think that you deserve a choice? Hahaha! That's hilarious! I see you've learned nothing, America. You are useless: you can't even save your children from getting hurt. You are selfish: you stole your states' chances to be in and live in the real world, where they are free to do whatever they want and free to be themselves. You are weak: you tremble in front of me, a mere being inside your mind, and you rely on the states- your kids!- for your own personal survival because without them around to support you, you die! You are a monster: without the slightest bit of hesitation, you killed Japan's dad, your own son, and so, so many people who were completely innocent and had done no wrong!" CPR paused to let what he said sink in before stating, "Correct me if I'm wrong, America."