The Things I'd Rather Forget // Countryhumans AU

Ch 24: A Blurry Figure \\ The Cruel Hope

America woke up with a groan. His head hurt like hell. He should really stop drinking, but hey, he had to somehow prove to the others he was okay. I suppose one good thing was that America couldn't remember having any nightmares, which is always a plus. But does he deserve freedom from that pain for a night? He deserves every bad dream he gets.

'Don't you dare say that again.'

America's eyes widened. A voice in his head? No, a memory. But... who said that? And when? Why? Surely, he couldn't have been told that last night? America felt fear creep up on him. Does someone know? Did he unknowingly blab? But, who? The fogginess of America's memories irritated him to no end. If someone knew, then... America felt like screaming. He wasn't supposed to drag anyone else into his mess, he was supposed to keep this all personal! And yet, he couldn't even manage that. He's so stupid, he can't do anything right.

'Don't you dare say that again.'

"Oh, shut up..." America said out loud. America quickly wiped away some tears that had begun to crawl down his cheeks, his anger fading away. Even though he didn't mean to pull this person into his mess, he felt a rush of happiness and gratitude. Was this what it felt like to feel important to someone?

America had almost forgotten the feeling in his past month of hell. America smiled to himself. Was this what it was like to feel happy again? America sighed, amazement and gratitude pounding through him. He had to figure out who said this to him, he needed to.

Because even though America's life has gone to shit, the foggy memory of this person is somehow making him feel happy and wanted again.

Somehow, this unknown person is giving him a reason to live and, god, America really needs a reason to live right about now.

America's hand flew to his head, a horrible headache starting to pound in his head. Right, Hangover exists. He could deal with it though, he'd been getting a lot of headaches recently.

America sighed. No matter what came his way, he could deal with it. He had to deal with it. He had to, for the states. He had to be strong for them. He had to be strong....

Oh, who is he fooling here?

The world would be better off without him.

His kids would be better off without him.

In the end, I guess he's no more than a foolish monster.

--x--

Russia woke up to his alarm, quickly shutting it off. Once Russia was finally awake enough to think, his mind immediately flew to what happened last night. Russia frowned. Why was America, of all people, feeling that way? Had he always felt that way? Why didn't Russia notice sooner? It hurt Russia's heart. America believed with all his heart that he was a terrible person, even though Russia knew he wasn't. Hearing America say those things about himself... It made Russia react in ways he didn't know he could. He felt so angry and sad and protective all in the same moment. Oh, and Russia really wanted to slap CPR, whoever that is. Still does.

Russia sighed, changing the subject in his own head. Just the thought of what happened yesterday made Russia's blood boil. Even though Russia had gotten info- really heavy info at that- he hadn't gotten the information he wanted. The whole point of that was to get America drunk enough to take off his damn gloves and that, uh, didn't happen. If Russia could just figure out why America was hiding his hands, then Russia was sure everything else would click into place. In the end, Russia still had no idea what was wrong with America's hands other than the fact they were apparently ugly and bloody- which makes no sense as it stands- and Russia was pretty sure he wouldn't get another chance to figure it out anytime soon.