A new reality (Sayonika)

Sayori

The gentle call of my alarm clock brought me back from the land of dreams. My eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the sun shining through the gap in my curtains as I stretched and sat up, turning to press the button on my clock so the ringing would stop. I glanced at the numbers illuminated on the face, it was late, if I didn't leave the house within the next half hour I'd probably be late to school and I didn't want that at all. I buried my head back into my pillow, groaning as I realised that I had school, why do I even bother? I get up everyday to do what? I fully know how worthless I am so school is something I hate with a burning passion. I have 30 minutes to get dressed and leave, I wouldn't even have time to eat breakfast, I'll just grab a protein bar and go. The idea of eating something so small bothered me a little because I was constantly hungry and if I was hungry, I'd get cranky and even more upset which is something I wanted to actively avoid, it was getting more difficult as each day went by, I'd be waking later and later, my sleep pattern in absolute shambles as I cry myself to sleep at night, in the end it's all dwindled down to laziness and my lack of energy.

"What's the point?" I whisper to myself as I wearily grab the clothes scattered on the floor.

I squeezed into my uniform, attempting to do up the final button however it just wouldn't stay, it was too tight over my chest and it would strain over my boob each time I managed to get it to work. I sigh and give up, tying my ribbon into a small bow before clumsily doing the same to my shoes, finding a cereal bar in one of my bare cupboards and running out of the house to get to school on time. Normally, I'd walk to school with Ryan but he eventually got tired of waiting for me and would leave without me, making me feel unwanted and lonely, any explanation I gave didn't convince him, he just couldn't be bothered anymore. As I get closer to the school entrance, I notice a huge group of friends lost in a hearty conversation, I awkwardly linger behind them, too nervous to walk past, however I pick up some of their discussion as I idle behind them.

"Are we going to see the film on Friday?" one of them asked.

"Of course we are, we've been waiting for the release for ages," another said.

"I've watched the trailer, like, 10 times this week," they all laughed together.

I blush slightly, realising how alone I truly am as I stride past them into school, they must've been the anime club, they had that look about them. It must be really boring, talking about girls who wear barely any clothes, fight scenes with magical girls who's only purpose is to end up as fanservice and not look at their real emotions. I feel myself blush harder as I remember some of the anime Ryan forced me to watch, the amount of almost nudity I had seen was almost embarrassing and I always told him that I wasn't interested in watching but he didn't really care, no one ever does.

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The school day drags on for ages, leaving my brain a mess of fuzziness and static, I had forgotten to bring money so I didn't eat at all, my stomach rumbled now thinking about food and that things I could've eaten if I wasn't so fucking forgetful. I don't think I learned anything either, I was barely able to keep up with what my teacher was droning on about in class and I knew I was far behind everyone else but I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to look more worthless than I already was. I honestly wanted to jump off a cliff and let the rock bottom take me, feel my head crack against sea-foam soaked stones and let my body be carried away into deep blue oblivion, never to be seen again by humanity as my flesh is picked away by hungry fishies bit by bit, it was a strange but almost entrancing sight, somehow very poetic.

"Sayori?" a hand was waving in front of my face.

I looked up at Yuri who sat next to me in class and unexpectedly became my friend, I have no idea how it worked because me and her are complete opposites, I act positive and bubbly while she is more quiet and reserved, we somehow became close and even though I appreciated her company, I sometimes wondered why she chose someone as terrible as me to be friendly with, she was seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel here.