A new reality (Sayonika)

Natsuki

Thank you thatwaffle1 for giving me the motivation to complete this chapter. Your comments were just amazing.

I walked into the club and saw only Monika in there. I looked around, confused, usually the others were here before me. Monika smiles at me as I closed the doors behind me, behind that smile I could see slight sadness.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine," she said.

"Uh, are you sure, Monika?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure. I'm just tired," she said.

Bullshit, I could see past that big lie. She couldn't really trick me anymore, I know one of her biggest secrets so I know almost everything about her. I don't see why she tries to cover up her emotions, is it because she doesn't want to worry Sayori or something? Or did she just not want us to notice her and her sadness? Wow, she really does like Sayori, doesn't she?

"I can see that you're not alright, Monika, why are you lying to me?" I asked.

"I'm not lying to you," she said, "could you please drop it?"

"Uh no, you're sad, I can see that," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest and wincing when I could feel one of my ribs sticking out a little.

"I think you need glasses then because I'm not seeing what you see," she pulled a notebook out of her bag and started writing something down.

"Why can't you tell me anything? I told you about my... issues, why am I not allowed to hear yours?" I asked.

"I don't have any issues, Natsuki, so I don't have anything to talk about!"

"What's eating at you then? Don't even try to deny that somethings bothering you!"

She paused for a moment before breaking down into tears. I wasn't expecting this, Monika is usually the one who can get it together, seeing her cry like this made me feel uncomfortable. I inched towards her and patted her shoulder, unsure of what I could say to console her.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," I said, "let me help you."

She sobbed a little bit before speaking.

"S-Something happened today a-and it's fucked me up," she said, her voice shaking.

"What happened?" I asked.

"It was j-just some bad memories, I'd rather not talk a-about it," she answered, "but I can't stop t-thinking now."

I didn't say anything, I wouldn't be much help. She just needed someone to listen to her, I'm that someone.

"It's all so fucked up, this world is so fucked up. When I start to feel better about everything, I fall back into the cycle of feeling like shit. I can't do anything to change it, you can't do anything to change it, we just have to let it happen. My problems can't even compare to yours, or Yuri's, or Sayori's, mine are just there and they don't matter. I don't even matter anymore, I should be a side character in this story, you guys have way bigger roles in this than I do. I may as well be..." she trailed off, sighing when she finished her long rant.

"May as well be what?" I asked, fearing the worst, "dead?"

Monika nodded, looking down at the floor and wiping away her tears. My eyes widened a little when I heard this, was she... suicidal? I didn't want to believe it but I knew I had to if I wanted to help my friend.

"M-Monika, why did you never say anything?"

"I didn't want to trigger Sayori, I didn't want her to try anything," she replied, her voice sounded almost monotonous, "I can't lose her, Natsuki, I don't know what I would do if she was gone."