A new reality (Sayonika)

Yuri

(Because we need more Yuri in our lives)

Monika mentioned the festival today which surprised me quite a bit. I wasn't really planning on participating this year, big events always stress me out which makes me cut myself even more. I don't think the others would be too happy if I did that again. She said that maybe we should have an event to draw some new members in. I do agree with her even though I'm not a fan of last minute preparations, the festival is next week and we've only just started discussing it. We're yet to talk about the setting and what we would be doing but I'm trying to convince myself that I'll be alright and that we'll do fine. I'm sure we'll figure everything out before the week ended. I locked my knives away in one of my drawers to keep them away from me, I don't really want to relapse now. I was reading my book but I was quite distracted by the thought of the festival, I don't usually do much while at the festival, the amount of people crowding in one area gives me such anxiety. After all, I'm an introvert at heart and I've never been keen on people... My only exception is my friends at the club who I enjoy spending time with. I get to be myself when I'm around them and that makes me happy in a nice way, not in my crazy insane way. I'm so distracted that the sound of my phone almost makes me jump out of my skin. I pick up my phone and see that Sayori had texted me, I open up the message to see what she had written.

"Hi Yuri, I'm sorry that I disappointed you guys yesterday. I wanted to explain but it was... complicated."

I responded instantly.

"No no, you don't need to be sorry. We all overreacted yesterday, none of this is your fault."

"Okay, I guess..."

"Sayori?"

"Mhm?"

"You know that you can talk to me. If you're ever feeling down then I'm here for you. You're not alone."

I waited eagerly for her response.

"I'll keep that in mind."

She didn't message me back after that. I was so worried about her, so worried that it made me want to hurt myself. I stare longingly at the locked draw, thinking of all the beautiful blades in there. The key was on top of my wardrobe. A few cuts wouldn't hurt anyone now, would it? I desperately reached for the key and rushed over to my drawer, unlocking it as quickly as I could. I sorted through the knives until I came across one with a mosaic like pattern, ah so pretty, I ordered that one from Spain and I haven't been able to use it much, might as well use it now. I cut deeply into my skin, tearing through layers of flesh, watching the blood spurt out. It wasn't that deep but it felt like it was and it was so amazing, imagine if this made me bleed out. So incredible... I continued for a while then placed the knife down and admired my handiwork. My arm was covered in fresh cuts, each one bleeding so much. I came a little more prepared this time, I had bandages. I cleaned my arm then wrapped the cloth around my arm. The blood soaked through but that didn't matter, it made it look even better. I cleared up the mess then sat back down on my bad, satisfied with my work. I picked up my book and slowly found my way back inside it.

(AN: So sorry that this is short but I'm concentrating on other things rn. I felt like you all deserved an update even though its really small. I'll try and get back into a rhythm with this book and maybe I'll have a few more chapters ready soon. Have a nice day/night!)