A new reality (Sayonika)

Monika

I never though I'd say these words, like I never ever thought they'd be ones that would come out of my mouth. I looked at my two club members, both were still mad that Sayori had let them down but they don't understand.

"Um so, a while ago- uh not a while ago it was during the sleepover when you guys...um no shouldn't say that. So you see-"

"Just spit it out Monika," Natsuki said, getting sick of my rambling.

"Okay... well during the sleepover when you can Yuri were... elsewhere Sayori told me something I never really expected," I looked down at my hands, which were shaking.

"What did she say?" Yuri asked.

"I never really wanted to say anything until a little later but by the way you two were acting then was just unbearable to watch. Guys... she has depression," I let the words hang in the air for a few seconds, let them sink in a little.

Both of their expressions changed to slight sadness and regret. Natsuki curled up a little, hunching over in her chair. Yuri just stared at her desk. They were both silent which made my job even more difficult. I went to speak but...

"How long?" Natsuki asked.

"I'm guessing a few years, since high school started I believe," I said.

"Oh god," Yuri covered her face with her hands.

We couldn't tell what she was doing, was she crying or just hiding her face? Natsuki went to put her hand on her shoulder, probably to comfort her, but though better of it.

"I'm sorry" Yuri whimpered, parting two of her fingers so she could look at us.

"It's not me you should be apologising to Yuri," I said, gently lowering her hands from her face.  I caught a glimpse of something red on her arms but I wasn't going to ask now. I'll approach her at the end of the club, maybe I could convince her to seek medical help or something.

"I know, I know but we were also horrible to you as well. You're just looking out for her and we got the wrong idea," she said.

"It's okay," I replied.

I looked over to Natsuki who was now just staring into space. I waved my hand in front of her face to get her attention.

"I didn't know," she whispered.

"Don't worry, I understand. She only told me a few days ago so I'm still... processing this," I said.

"If we had known then we would've tried to be better," she said.

"I know that but not a lot can be done now. We've just got to be careful around her, okay?" I said.

"Yeah," they said in unison.

"Good, I think we should end this meeting, there's not much we can really do. Uhh, make sure you write your poems for tomorrow and see you then," I started packing up my stuff.

They followed, Yuri put the tea set away and Natsuki picked up the tray of cupcakes. She approached me and held the tray up.

"There are quite a few left so take another one," she offered," and take one for Sayori, I think she needs one."

I nodded and took two from the tray. She walked over to Yuri and offered a cupcake as well, she gratefully took one. I waited for Natsuki to leave before talking to Yuri.

"Hey Yuri, are you okay? I could tell you took the news pretty hard," I asked.

"Yes, it was, wasn't it? I'm alright, just need to think about this."

"I saw something on your arm earlier, I just wanted to ask if... you're still hurting yourself," I said.

She hesitated a little before pulling her sleeves up to reveal a fresh set of cuts.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it," she said, her face flushing pink.

"It's okay, I understand. It's hard to stop something like this. Uhh, here, I have the number of a therapist I used to see, give him a call and maybe he can help you. Just know, Yuri, that we're all here for you, we're your friends. We'd never turn our backs on you," I quickly scribbled down the number on a piece of paper and handed it to her.

"T-Thank you Monika," she said. 

She didn't move for a second but suddenly she wrapped her arms around me in a big hug. I smiled and hugged her back. I'm so glad that I can help her, glad that I'm her friend. It's only been a week and a day but I feel like I've known the club for years. Yuri reluctantly let go of me.

"Anyways, we'd better start heading home. I've got a cupcake to deliver," I picked up the cupcakes.

We both walked towards the door, Yuri holding it open for me.

"Could you hold this for a second while I lock up?" I ask. She nodded and took one of the cupcakes from me as I got my key out and locked the door. Yuri handed the cupcake back to me and we started walking down the hall together.

We walked home mainly in silence, it seems that today's tension still hangs in the air. We eventually reached Sayori's house.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Yuri asked.

"No, it's fine, I don't want to make you wait. I'll see you tomorrow," I said.

"Okay, I can't wait," she started walking away.

"Hey, Yuri!" I shouted to her

She stopped and turned to me.

"I hope you feel better soon. If you need to talk, I'm always here."

She smiled and walked away. I looked at Sayori's house and walked towards the door. I knocked on it, hoping she would answer it. It took a minute or so until the door finally opened, revealing a rather tired-looking Sayori. She looked surprised to see me.

"Monika?"

"Hey Sayori, don't worry, I'm only here to deliver a cupcake. You don't have to talk if you don't want to," I wasn't going to force her into an uncomfortable conversation.

"Thank you," she took the cupcakes, a small smile on her face," are the others still mad at me?"

"No they're not," I said.

She sighed with relief, tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Monika, I don't know what happened but he didn't want to come and I didn't know what to do so I just-" she said all that in one breath. 

"I know, it's okay. Just calm down. It's alright," I pulled her into a hug, holding onto her gently as she cried into my shoulder.

"But-"

"It's not your fault. Natsuki and Yuri were just disappointed so they lashed out. You didn't do anything wrong," I whispered.

We stayed there for a while, holding onto each other as she cried. Well we stayed there like that until I could feel my phone buzzing. I pulled it from my pocket and glanced at the screen. It was my mum.

"Shit..." I whispered.

She had sent me about 5 texts.

"Monika, can you please come home?"

"Where are you?"

"It's important."

"Come home now!"

"Are you even reading these?"

"What's wrong?" Sayori asked.

"I need to go home, I'm sorry. Uh, I'll see you tomorrow," I ran down the path.

"O-Okay, see you tomorrow," she called after me.

Shit... shit, shit, shit! I'm gonna get a fucking earful when I get home, that's for sure. I ignored the strange looks I was getting from the people around me and ran all the way home. I hope I wouldn't get into too much trouble