Changeling: The Daughter of Fire (GxBxNB)

Changeling 9

For most people, driving is a boring activity, they just sit there and cruise along until it's over. Not for me.

For me, driving has always been hell. Oh sure from the outside or a passenger's perspective it seems easy enough, but once you're actually holding the wheel it becomes a chaotic free for all where you are trapped in a maze of signs telling you five million things and are in a fight against all other commuters.

The parking lot obstacle course I did with flying colors, but once I was actually on a real road I just panicked. I tried, okay, I tried my damned hardest but all it got me was the shakes and trying not to cry while dad was trying to reassure me.

"It's okay, Nadia, we can stop here." He said.

It was so not okay... I'd been at it for three days already and I hadn't made one bit of progress...

"No, I need to do it," I said, hyperventilating a little.

"Why don't we stop for lunch? Get your favorite."

"I..." I bit my lip, thinking.

"We can try again after."

I sighed. "Alright."

Dad and I switched places and he drove us to a little hole in the wall barbecue restaurant. The Smoke-Shack had been my favorite for a long time, they were a lot less sweet than other barbecue places, which suited me and my diabetes. Also, their brisket and mashed potatoes were to die for.

Thorough lunch, Dad kept making small talks, talking about everything but my poor driving attempt.

The drive back with me in the driver's seat was just awful. I came home and slammed down on my bed, face-first into pillows, my heart still beating a thousand beats an hour, not even my anti-anxiety medication could help me here, but worst of all was the negative energy clinging to me...

At the wheel, there was no time for my protective rituals, time to avoid the bad stuff. Unlike when I was walking, I couldn't avoid things without going onto a sidewalk or the wrong lane.

Was it irrational? Yes. But knowing that didn't chase away the feeling.

Rather than stew in bad thoughts, anxiety and negative energies I went upstairs and took a shower. Showers were good, I always took mine scalding hot, the heat had never bothered me, there was something almost magical about it like it could wash away not just physical dirt, but all sorts of psychic nasties clinging to me too.

I stayed in until hot water ran short, washing myself, again and again, bad for my skin, but good for my mind.

I came back down only to hear my parents talking in the kitchen, their voices low and conspiratory. I stopped and listened.

"Maybe we're asking a little too much?" Mom said.

"She'll need to learn how to drive one day, Honey, it's not like we'll be there for her forever."

"I know, but she's only sixteen and she's just experienced a massive trauma. We should go easy on her."

"If anyone's being hard on her right now, it's her."

"I know she's excited about that scholarship, but I feel bad for making her go through this..."

I knew it would have been easy to play the angle, get them to give up on me driving... But I didn't want to disappoint them again... I was already the fuck-up child... Had the worst grades, required the most attention, had all the medical issues...

I couldn't just mess up all over again, take things the easy way by playing the mental illness card... I had to do it... Even if I needed to cheat.

I turned back around and went to the garage where the cars were parked. I sat down in the passenger's seat, taking deep breaths.

"I wish I could drive. I wish I could drive. I wish I could drive..." I repeated, again and again, gripping the wheels hard enough for my knuckles to turn white.

But nothing happened.

What a joke I was... A jinni who could grant anyone's wishes but my own...

I hid my face against the driver's wheel. This was pointless... I was just going to fail again and mom and dad would let it slide in pity...

Someone knocked on the window and I jumped up, hitting my head against the roof.

"What are you doing?" Aisha had snuck up next to me.

"Aisha! You scared the heck out of me."

"Are you being all grumpy again?"

"Maybe..."

"Is it because you're terrible at driving?"

"In part..." I sighed.

Then something clicked inside of me. I couldn't grant my own wishes but... Aisha's? "Do you wish I was better at driving?" I asked.

"Duh." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"Say you wish I could drive."

"You're being weird."

"I'm always weird." I smiled. "Indulge me? Pretty please? I'll share my cookies with you."

Normal cookies were like a death sentence for me, so I'd long ago learned to make my own; using almond flour, and sugar alternatives. For some reason, Aisha preferred them over regular ones.

"Alright, I wish you could drive. Weirdo."

I took a deep breath, feeling the heat of magic, was it magic? The wish-granting-thingie, whatever it was supposed to be. I breathed it in, I didn't fight it, I focused on my goal, driving without panicking.

"Granted," I whispered, a tingling coming over me my brain feeling clearer than ever before. I looked back at Aisha. "Thanks."

"You're really, really weird today. Like super-mega-weird."

"I know." I ruffled her hair and went into the kitchen.

"Dad, can we try again before dinner?"

He looked at me, then at mom. "Oh sure."

I grabbed the keys and went back to the car. My mind felt so much more focused. Dad sat beside me and patted my shoulder. I started the car and we went for a drive around the neighborhood.

I didn't think, at all, my body acted on its own and it all felt like a distant dream, or like watching a movie. A little dissociation was a small price to avoid panicking... It's not that the wish had made me a better driver, I just didn't stress out.

"You did it..." Dad said once I parked in the driveway.

My senses came back to me... I had done it. Even now I didn't feel wrong.

"I did it. Maybe I can do it again."

Dad brought me into a side hug and kissed my head. "I'm proud of you sunshine."

"Thanks."

Maybe I should have felt bad for cheating and faking it, but how was it different from an amputee using a wheelchair or me using glasses? I was just making up for a natural weakness others didn't have to deal with.