Changeling: The Daughter of Fire (GxBxNB)

Changeling 37

Okay, so I went home first. I needed to get changed out of my drink stained, sweat-filled clothes, also it was about midnight and I doubted I'd be welcome back there at that hour.

I didn't sleep for a second that night, I tried to but my eyes were wide open and I just kept turning and turning in bed. Around four I just gave up and made myself some tea.

Erika joined me at breakfast along with the usual early crowd.

"Hey, we missed you last night."

"Yeah, I left with Stephanie, I was a little overwhelmed."

"Is that name of the girl you were all over last night? Tall butch gal?"

"That's the one."

"Did you...?"

"No, no, nothing happened, just went out for some air and had a talk, honestly me dumping all my problems on her and having a bit of freakout kind of ruined any potential mood there might have been."

Erika patted my head. Poor Stephanie, I'd probably ruined her night with my crap, I kind of wanted to thank her for her support, I really needed it.

"How do you feel now that the high's gone?"

"Kind of like wet garbage..."

She got up and came back with chocolate and a bottle of dietary supplement. "Molly gets your serotonin all high up, but when it's over you'll be all out, here's some 5-HTP, it's a precursor to serotonin, and chocolate, it's just great, everyone loves chocolate, especially your brain."

I took the bar, it was the dark sugar-free stuff. "Thanks." I popped some in my mouth, it was strong and bitter but that was how I liked my chocolate anyway.

"Can I have my lamp back?"

"Sure, but are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've had time to cool down I think."

She removed my mom's necklace and passed it around my neck. "Be safe out there."

"I will."

I waited until it was a little more reasonably late, filling my empty brain with chocolate and tea so it felt moderately functional before going over to Liam's, I went on foot, I didn't trust myself driving on a messed up brain.

I knocked on the door and waited for a moment. It wasn't Liam who answered but his dad Phil. I'd only seen him a few times before Liam had moved in with him, but he always seemed nice.

"Hey Mr. Bannerman, is Liam here?"

"Good Morning Nadia... I'm not sure this is the best of times, he's been locked in there since you had an argument, he's really upset..."

"I know... Maybe you could ask him if he wants to see me?"

Mr. Bannerman pauses, considering my offer. "Wait here."

I did and he went upstairs.

I anxiously played with my hair, it was getting a little longer than I usually liked it...

After a few minutes Mr, Bannerman came down. "He said he'd like to talk to you."

I nodded and he let me inside, I climbed the stairs and went up to Liam's room. I knocked, "Hey Liam, It's me..."

He didn't answer, I was about to know again when he spoke up.

"Come."

I slipped in, Liam was still in bed. He looked like a mess, his hair was tangled and crazy, he was wearing what had to be yesterday's clothes. He was sitting, rocking himself gently like he did when overwhelmed.

"Can I sit down?"

He nodded.

So I did. "How are you."

"Bad."

"Is it because of what I said?"

"Yes."

"You know it's not your fault, it was a freak coincidence."

Liam's mouth made all kinds of movement but no sound came out beyond 'ah' and 'eh.' I'd seen him get non-verbal like that.

"It's okay, you can text if you prefer."

Liam huddled around and grabbed his tablet.

"Why did you tell me then? Right after we" he hadn't finished that sentence.

"Honestly, guilt... I should have told you sooner, and right then and there it nagged at me... You deserved to know and the longer I dragged it on the more painful it was bound to be."

We sat in uncomfortable silence, his finger hovered over his tablet as if hesitating on what to type.

"There's something else you should know... After we argued and you threw me out... I had sex with Jesse."

Liam choked on his saliva.

"What."

"It was dumb, impulsive and I regret it..." I sighed.

"Why."

"I was hurt, and stupid... I thought we were probably done."

"I just needed some space!"

His answer was like twisting a knife in the wound. I'd really fucked it up.

"I'm sorry... I'm not asking you to forgive me, I just thought you had the right to know..."

"What happened to you, Nadia, you changed."

Breathing was getting harder and harder, "I don't fucking know, ever since I've become a Changeling I feel like I'm losing control of myself... I just keep acting without thinking of the consequences and now I've hurt you and Kieran..."

I couldn't breathe, I hyperventilated, struggling to find a breath, the world seeming to close in on me.

"I want to be better... I promise."

"I need to be alone again, please leave."

"Okay..." I got up and went for the door. "I'm sorry..."

I didn't go back, just walking in a random direction, my thoughts still messed up, I cried some, a few people giving me a look.

I couldn't breathe either...

All of this was too much... Why had I made it so damn complicated...

I needed a release... I couldn't handle it anymore...

I walked past a building under construction, still in full of exposed wood, and a craving awoke in me, one I hadn't indulged in a long time, my flames demanded, no begged to be let out, I'd always known that longing for fires since I was young, it was so strong, too hard to resist.

It was a weekend, nobody was working there, I couldn't resist. I squeezed between the barrier and let go of everything.

I ran my fingers over the skeletal structure of the condo in construction, everything I touched caught fire and goddamn it, it felt so damn good, after the worst month of my life I needed a release.

Everything caught ablaze and I was standing in the middle of the raging inferno, laughing maniacally, overcome by the greatest rush of my life.

Neither heat nor smoke bothered me, it passed through me, filled me and I was floating in a joyful haze, like my troubles burnt along with the building.

The flames devouring the wood, shattering glass and turning metal bright red was just so fucking beautiful.

Not my best moment, I admit, but honestly, I' surprised it had taken me that long to snap.

And then the roars of sirens brought me back to reality.