Sweet Like Cinnamon

Just That

"Wait. What? You seriously broke up with him for that?" Anastasia asked spooning food into Caspian's mouth.

"Just that." I shrugged, feeding Ceren.

"Vae seriously? He was trying to help. I mean you can't fault him for trying to be a good boyfriend." I was trying not to be annoyed that after I told her everything that happened at my sperm donors house and afterward she wasn't on my side. "Don't look at me like that. As your best friend, it's my job to tell you when you are in the wrong and this time you are totally in the wrong."

"How am I wrong? I told him I didn't want to fu-freaking go and instead of just letting it go he continued to push the issue."

"Nevaeh I have known you my whole life and when have you ever done something you didn't want to do?"

I kissed my teeth "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that you are taking out your anger of the situation out on a man who stated he's in love with you.You are using the incident to runaway from your feelings and that is very much not like you."

"I'm not running away from anything, why don't you mind your business?"

"Okay what we aren't gonna do is tell me to mind my business when you are making the biggest mistake of your life. It has always been you and I and usually you are sitting in my place, and I ALWAYS listened to what you say. So now you will listen to what I have to say."

"I really don'-"

"I wasn't asking. Look months ago you and Anthony came over and whenever you looked at him I saw something different, something I never saw in your eyes. When you guys left I thought about it all night and then I realized you told him about your sexual assault." I looked over at her shocked.

"Ho-how did you know?" It felt like the ground was opening up below me.

"One day you snuck into my house drunk as a skunk it wasn't the first time so I thought you'd sleep it off and disappear before I woke up like usual, but this time was different. This time you went on and on about some "stupid son of a bitch" and "my baby" and when I asked what you meant you finally broke down and told me, and the next morning you were gone and never brought it up again. Even with me and your mom there was always a wall, very thin but still there; but that day when I saw you with him it was completely gone. And I just knew."

"That means nothing." I whispered out

"IT MEANS EVERYTHING...shhh shhh mamas sorry." I watched as she bounced Caspian on her hip and I did the same with Ceren. "Vae the next day after you told me I fully expected you to come over the next morning and talk about it, you never did and I waited and days turned into months and months into years and you never said a thing and I was okay with that. It's your story to tell but I'm not gonna lie after what happened with Hudson both times I expected you to bring it up and maybe we'd talk about it then but nope. Did it hurt that you told Anthony instead of me of course, but at the same time Anthony can protect you in ways I can't and love you in ways I can't and that's what I want for you. Vae that man loves you and he told me that same night he loved you and he'd never let anything happen to you and I trust him. Let's go put these babies down for a nap and we can finish this up."

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I watched as Anastasia sat across from me a very serious look on her face.

"Look Vae I want to say I get it but I don't really. My dad was always there maybe not in the ways I needed but he was there. It wasn't like that for you. Your dad wasn't around and whether you believe it or not that shit affected you. Every relationship you push away because you are afraid to get hurt, you are afraid of someone leaving you so you leave first; and for a long time that was okay because none of those people were right for you. Anthony is right for you, he won't abandon you."

"What if he does? What if he decides he doesn't want to deal with my personality? What if we do this and 5 years from now he decides he wants a bio kid? I can't give that to him!" I tried to hold back tears but I could feel them escaping.

"That's a conversation that you will need to have, but there isn't anything wrong with your eggs I will happily be your surrogate. Now I won't lie your personality for most leave something to be desired but you are changing and everyone notices. Vae why won't you let yourself be happy?"

I wiped at my face angrily "I don't fucking know... I figure if my dad couldn't even love me why would any other man?"

"Because your dad is a giant asshole who doesn't deserve you. Vae tell me this does Anthony make you happy? When you are with him do you feel like nothing in the world can hurt you? Do you feel as long as he's by your side you'll be okay?"

"I really do love that man don't I?" All she did was nod.

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Just a quick little filler. YALL I was so scared today I checked on this story to get some details, and when I came back about an hour later to update it was GONE! Ya girl was shook, I emailed wattpad helpdesk and I guess it's been happening a lot with people stories; but luckily it's back up. 

I REALLY want to finish this story before summer, so on my off days I'm going to commit myself to sitting in from of my computer and write.