Hopelessly Broken

1. Orphanage

3.17.20

Devon's POV

I breathed in slowly, making sure that I got all of the nicotine in before exhaling. Anyone who saw me right now would assume I was a bad boy, but I was just tired of being shoved around. I know that my tendency to fight looked bad, but could you really blame me? I was sick of being cast as the heartless, rude boy I appeared to be on the outside. Can't anyone see that I'm crying for help while tossed in the ocean? Can no one see my pain? I just want love, damnit!

I took another hit of the drug, and while I exhaled, I felt the stress begin fizzing out. This is the real reason I smoke; it lets me forget about everything temporarily. It allows the fact that I live in an orphanage because my parents didn't love me anymore. It makes me temporarily human.

The adults of the orphanage hate my horrible habits, but they can't understand how heartbreaking it truly is to be left in the dust by your parents. Even worse, I had to watch all of my childhood friends slowly trickle out of the system while I was stuck here. I'm officially the last one left of my original group from 15 years ago today which means that no one wants me. Even if I was taken now, it would be from desperation- somehow- to have a 16 year old boy and not because they actually want me.

"Devon, put out your cigarette and come back inside. It's cold out there!" Megan, the director for kids over 13, commanded from inside of my room. Come to think of it, it is quite chilly out here, but I liked the way the cold kissed my skin.

I put my smoke out on the railing, but I didn't go back inside. For some wild reason, I love the night much more than I should. There was something about the cold darkness that comforted me; made me want to be absorbed into its abyss.

"Devon," Megan warned again, and I reluctantly turned around to look at her.

"What if I don't want to come inside right now?" I asked. I had a deep voice, but it wasn't so deep that I sounded like a lumberjack.

"Well then tough luck because someone wants to adopt you."

"Do you have any idea how often you say that? Just accept it, Megan, they think they want me, but then they look at me and realize what I am."

"Devon... Please, just give them a slight chance. You never know," she urged.

"Fine," I muttered moodily. She won't let it go; even I know that. I was lead through the familiar halls with a scowl on my face.

"I'll go talk to them. At least try to smile and be flattering, Devon." She entered the room, and I prepared for the speech that I had heard so many times. "We currently have only one 16 year old boy."

"That's fine, we're really looking for a child," a masculine voice responded.

The door opened slightly, and I knew what happens next. I get introduced, mess something up, and get rejected all over again. I grumbled quietly before walking into the room. I had hardly gotten the door open when Megan grabbed my arm and pulled me in. "Be enthusiastic! Smile," she whisper shouted into my ear while I was stumbling forward.

Suddenly, my foot caught on the edge of the rug, and all 6'1'' of me flew forward. My face hit the table on the way down, but the pain of now certain failure stung more. Skip the introduction, I just completely messed it up before Megan could even tell them my name. Who would want a clumsy, moody 16 year old boy? I lay dazed on the carpet that had signified my downfall while trying to collect myself.

Suddenly, I heard a quiet giggle. I tried to stand up, but the world was spinning just a little bit. "Oh my God, Devon!" Megan squealed while running around the table.

"I'm fine, leave it," I snapped. Even though I wasn't hopeful before, I couldn't help but feel that Megan had ruined my chances of ever getting out of this damn orphanage. I knew that my words wouldn't stop her advance- she has a big heart, trust me- so I waited for her to start mothering over me.

"I am so sorry!" Megan chanted while feeling the place that I hit my head. "Does it hurt? Are you dizzy? Do we need to go to the hospital!?"

"Meg!" I complained while blushing slightly. It was like she completely forgot the company we were in.

"Oh!" she shouted when she suddenly remembered. "This is Devon," Meg introduced me to the people that wanted to adopt me. I got my first good look at them, and I was immediately glad that they at least appeared kind.

"Devon, this is Jamie and Lincoln, and they want to adopt you."

I observed them with a careful eye looking for anything that tipped off my intuition. The one that I assumed was Jamie had a gentle smile that I could probably learn to call home if I was around it for a while. She had sparkling blue eyes that would be blinding if I was close enough, and her blonde hair was long and curled back into a high ponytail. Lincoln had a laid back expression while he held his significant other. He had soothing brown eyes than any girl would fawn over, and a normally cut black hair.

I don't understand why they would ever want me, but that's for them to decide. "Hi," I murmured nervously.

"You think they would get along?" The woman asked.

"I have no idea, Jamie. They'll either get along or kill each other; there's no in between with Jack."

"Well we can't just take him and bring him back the next day. That isn't fair to anyone."

"We have a program for people that aren't certain if a child will fit into their family life," Megan inserted. Wait, are these people actually considering it?

"We might need to partake in that. See, we have another son at home that only gets along with a few people. We don't want him to possibly go crazy and hurt anyone," Lincoln admitted. That sounds pleasant. Note the sarcasm.

"Well, um, the first step is to organize a family dinner with everyone that he would be in close quarters there." Megan, they may be oblivious, but I know that that is so not the first step! I've done this once or twice!

"What time is it, Jamie dear?" Lincoln asked.

"6:27," she responded quietly.

"Let's do it tonight." I froze, Meg froze, hell, even the clock froze for a second!

"That sounds lovely," Jamie concluded.

Everyone turned to me for confirmation, but all I could do was stand there like a fish out of water. "Uhhhhhh," I blanked. Get it together, Devon! "S-sure." Stupid. Now they probably think that you're so dull that you can't decide whether or not you want to eat dinner with them!

"Yay!" Jamie cheered. Oh God, please save me!